Q & A: Why Can’t I Find a Submissive?

This world is so new to you, isn't it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby. Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

This world is so new to you, isn’t it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby.
Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

Anonymous: Why can’t I find a submissive?

I don’t know. Where have you been looking? You say that you’ve looked everywhere; on every BDSM, FemDom, and female led relationship dating site available. You’ve been to every munch, every “play dungeon”, and every meet up that didn’t interfere with your schedule. But the men are all wrong, aren’t they? They never fit your needs, do they?

I feel like banging my head against a wall whenever I hear a woman critique a mans “submissiveness”. It always goes one of two ways. 1) This man isn’t even submissive because he doesn’t know how to cook/address a dominant/massage feet/kneel perfectly. Or 2) That submissive isn’t right for me because he only knows how to massage the way his last domme taught him.

If you are this person, no one will ever be right for you. Men will always be too submissive/not submissive enough by your standards because you’ve missed a crucial peice of information when you read that BDSM story.

Submissive men are not mind readers; they’re just not. The inexperienced college grad will not know anything more about you than the experienced slave. And no matter how much you want things to instantly be your way, it will take either a little bit of effort on your part, or a lot of time on his part in order for him to anticipate the way you like things.

So why can’t you find a submissive? 

Your definition is wrong. A true submissive man isn’t a man that likes exactly what you like. A true submissive man is a man that likes to learn exactly what you like. And the truth is: the only way he is going to learn, is if you teach.

–Miss Ari ^_^

4 thoughts on “Q & A: Why Can’t I Find a Submissive?

  1. Arya says:

    Hi Miss Ari,

    I’m commenting for both “Asian shy is not American shy” and this article, here.
    I been leaving in Malaysia for the last 7 years. I’m from BDSM lifestyle background.
    I believe the missed point here is, there’s almost no women here willing to dominate a man. However, there are plenty of slaves/subs men in this country.
    For the last few years I actively been researching and looking for female domination within the locals. They might show that they are interested, but at the end of the day they’re too shy (Not timid) to control a man.

    They’re cultural difference from Japan to here. While Japanese have different type of shyness, I believe they have their domination as well. Finding a loyal femdom/BDSM partner is a way easier and safer. Here is more about the cultural diversification within the community. For example, Having a usual sex is still a taboo in Malaysia.

    To conclude, finding a loyal BDSM partner for a woman is not a hard job, it’s a willing for her to decide if she wants to have one.

    I’m open to discuss on this matter 🙂

    • This is very intuitive of you. I do believe that there is a similar problem occurring here in the USA. It may be easy to find woman that will agree that they are interested in Female Domination, but, as it is not as trendy as the ‘traditional’ relationship, It is difficult to find authentic practitioners.
      I do agree that it is quite easy for a woman to find a submissive partner, if only she were looking for one.
      (If you wish to discuss further, you can email me at misshosieryfetish@yahoo.com)
      –Miss Ari ^_^

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