Q & A: How Do I Punish Him When He Enjoys Spanking?

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No I don’t believe you have forgotten your place. You just need a reminder.

I can tell you right off the bat that so many women worry needlessly about this sort of thing.

The first thing we have to think about is that regardless of whether or not someone enjoys spanking, it is still corporal punishment. A spanking, to a submissive man that enjoys it, still serves the purpose of reinforcing the dynamic of the relationship. It helps the Dominant to feel dominant and it helps the submissive to feel submissive to the Dominant. Even if he were to beg you for it and thank you for it afterward, it still has aspects of humiliation to it.

A masochist still feels pain and through receiving pain form their Dominant, they can reenter a submissive mind frame. In this case, corporal punishment can still serve as a corrective tool for slipping behaviors.

But let’s back track for a moment, because not all submissive are like this. In fact, most men that enjoy spanking enjoy it in a sensual sense. It is a level where it is still painful but not to a level that they would deem “too painful”. If you are seeking to use spankings as a punishment for this type of man, you need only step it up a notch. And this can be in intensity or in the implement that you choose. For instance, a man may enjoy being paddled, but would try to avoid the strap or the PVC tube at all costs.

Only if your skepticism still stands at this point, would I suggest that you start getting creative. There are, of course, other ways to discipline your submissive man including giving him rigorous physical tasks, chores and errands, or humiliation methods such as the many variations of corner time.

All other complications aside, it does come down to how you feel about it. If you don’t like the idea of spanking him to a point where he sees it as punishment, then you should turn to other methods. With whatever method you choose, your confidence must not wane. If think it will be effective, then it will.

Thanks for the question

–Miss Ari ^_^

Power Dynamic

I haven’t had the pleasure of knowing a woman that is in a female led relationship that was initiated by the male; however, from what i have heard, it is difficult for these women to come to terms with the new power dynamic.

The power dynamic is the basis of all femdom relationships but as the dominant woman, I decide the degree of of my power. A high power dynamic would include the woman making all decisions and the male not being allowed to decide anything. A low power dynamic would include decisions being made as a couple with the woman having the final say in everything. I personally favor a dynamic where the woman has all power of decision but the male has power of suggestion. Each of these dynamics are female led and it is the woman’s decision how the power dynamic will be displayed.

Regardless of the preferred dynamic, the important part is how you acquire that power. Even if the male offers you power over himself, you are still not in control until you decide that you are.

Now, no woman should feel like she must act manly to be in charge. There is no need for that. In fact, correctly harnessed female power is far more powerful than trying to be something that you are not.

There can and should be femininity in the way that you command. After all, it is the appeal anyway. Females gentleness should not be taken for weakness. However, it should still exist in a relationship along with every bit of firmness that she possesses.

–Miss Ari ^_^

What’s Wrong With Submissive men?

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Good boy.

One of the big arguments that I have come across does not even come from the male perspective. It comes from the females. Women will often complain that they do not want FemDom because they do not wish to mother their men.

This is a complaint that comes from uninformed individuals. Aside from cases where a man would have an actual or unhealthy attraction to his mother, such a thing should not be a cause for concern.

First of all, you will never be his mother. It is impossible and he knows this as well. Such a concern is not justified to belong toward FemDom. A mother will typically care for, discipline, as well as do things for the child. The mothers does this for the child simply because he will not be able to care for himself otherwise. FemDom is not meant to mimic this. FemDom is based off of a certain level of stratification that places the supportive role on the male. A submissive man will not want to be tucked in, spoon fed, and pampered like an infant. He will want to be lead firmly and lovingly so that he can be at his best as an adult, not a child.

Second, any feelings that he may have toward women being in charge are natural. They do not hinder his ability to be what you want him to be as well. He may be tall, strong, reliable, and providing. He will have the capabilities as the “regular man” desired by these opposing women. The only difference is that he will want to be able to come home and know exactly how he should resent himself for your approval.

He will want to know how to avoid your anger and exactly how to apologize for transgression.

He will want you, in all of your strengths and weaknesses.

He will want to learn your desires and your rejections.

He will want to be his best for you.

So, tell me. What is wrong with submissive men?

–Miss Ari ^_^

Is Consistency in Training a Good Thing? Q and A.

Pay very close attention my darling. You must remember the rules... just incase I forget :p

Pay very close attention my darling. You must remember the rules… just incase I forget :p

Consistency. Is it a got thing or a bad thing?
Well, it depends; not on the person or the relationship; but simply how you think of consistency.
To some people, consistency in a relationship means that the relationship stays the same. The couple engages in the same activities as they did before. In this sense, no it is not a good thing. It is a bad thing to make a relationship into a routine.

But…

If we think of consistency as allowing solid expectations for behavior and holding him accountable to them, then YES. Consistency is imperitive.

“But what about keeping him on his toes?” You may ask.

Keeping him on his toes means that at no point will she tolerate a period of downtime in which he is allowed to be overtly disobedient.

“So no down time then?”

Down time doesn’t mean disobedience. It is important to be able to share each others company in a relaxed environment among others, but it is even more important to stay comfortable in your roles.

To a certain degree, you cannot change your expectation of his role daily. You will make him confused. But one of the hardest things to remember is that you have to teach him to like more than just your persona if the relationship is going to last.

It feels good to be back in America. I think the hardest part will be getting started with the blog again. Any requests?

misshosieryfetish@yahoo.com

–MIss Ari ^_^

Taking Notice

Pay attention my dear. Or you will miss something very important... and I will be displeased.

Pay attention my dear. Or you will miss something very important… and I will be displeased.

I like to think of being the author of a blog as being just like any other author. (Hopefully) you write because you like to, and 70% of the time it’s fantastic! (10% of the time you get to enjoy writers block) But 20% of the time you realize that what you write down may only make sense to you.

Your readers may be fans of your work; they may comment on their favorite part. But the odds are that they will not read your work and think the same things that you did when you wrote it.

I started this blog because in May 2014 I did an internet search using only the word “FemDom”. Can you guess what the search results were? They were porn. Almost every single one of them. And a lot of them were cruel depictions of pain, anger, spite, and torment in the name of revenge. It is no wonder FemDom is not wide spread, because this is what it looks like to people who would conduct the internet search.

With that said, I would like to draw the attention of my readers to a few things.

I hope that you all will take notice that…

This blog is NOT porn. I attempt to post images that depict FemDom without blatant nudity. And I do this on purpose. FemDom is not solely about sex and so there should be a place for FemDom to be discussed in a practical or sensual sense.

This blog is NOT violence. I do not promote physical disfigurement or excessive violence, and again I do this for a reason. Because such acts of “play” can only exist in fantasy for a small period of time. And accomplishes little real domination. Such intensity can no longer be called sensual and it, therefore, has no home on this blog.

This blog is NOT abuse. I do not suggest relationships where submissive men are used by women who only wish to harm them. So much happens before, during, and after any type of pain that the submissive receives and I hope to explain it all. On this log, submission is a form of strength and it is valued.

Lastly, this blog IS a place that I hope will reach many people and help them come above the ideas that may scare the away from FemDom. And if I don’t reach anyone else… At least I have reached you 🙂

–Miss Ari ^_^

What I Look For in a Submissive Man

It's a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

It’s a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

What Dominant Women look for in a submissive? I find this question a lot on the internet. I also find that there aren’t that many real answers available.

Let’s fix that.

Now, I can’t speak for the “Dominatrix type” of Dominant Woman. And I can’t speak on behalf of women who claim to be “switch women”. I can only speak for myself; a Dominant Woman, attracted to submissive men, looking for a valuable partner rather than a quick scene to fuel fantasies. I can’t even speak for every real Dominant Woman because everyone has their own preferences. But I can definitely give some insight on the basic things that a Dominant Woman looks for in a partner. 

1) Cleanliness!

It probably sounds odd to mention such a thing as a first priority, but I find that I am always way more attracted to a man that is dressed and smells clean than I am to the most submissive man in the world. This does not mean wearing a lot of cologne. It means making yourself appear more healthy and organized by taking care of your self and choosing clothing that is appropriate looks good on you and is clean.

2) Manners

Now that we have gotten the basics out of the way, we can move on to manners. This one should be obvious, though. The best way to get a Dominant Woman’s attention is to willingly treat her as she needs to be treated. Manners need to be physical and verbal. Do not call her Mistress or Queen or Boss. It is just a bad idea; you don’t know what she wants to be called, and you could risk embarrassing yourself and ruining your chances (or confusing her if she isn’t familiar with FemDom terms). Be courteous.

3) Talents/ Interesting traits

This one is probably unexpected. The third thing I always look for is something that “sparkles”. It doesn’t have to be amazing, or revolutionary, or even all that interesting to me. You play an instrument? That’s lovely. You speak multiple languages? Me too; I am intrigued. You like murder mystery novels? I don’t care for them, but I’d still like to know.

What I know about you, helps me make predictions as to how you would react to me if we were ever intimate. Make sense now?

This is my opportunity to get into your head, so be prepared.

4) Submission

This is where I start to look for submissive behavior. I am attracted to submissive men. It’s almost natural for me to recognize submissive behaviors. It is likely that other Dominant Women will do the same. Some common things I notice are submissive body language (placing me in a more respectable or higher position than himself) and verbal submissive behavior (verbally admitting my leadership/superiority).

A few things to notice here are how I never said that Dominantrix or FemDom experience is a prerequisite. Experience in serving another woman means absolutely nothing to me. I have my own needs and desires. I never gave a preference for race (how can I?). I never mentioned money either. Money is a plus and the lack thereof is a minor drawback, not a deal breaker.

–MIss Ari ^_^

Base Desire

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How can I get started?

I like posts that apply to both Dominant women and submissive men. This will be one of those posts.

I suppose this is actually a question and answer post; the question being simply “How do I get started?”

It’s the question so many people ask when they find out about FemDom, but it is also the question that is rarely answered. It seems really easy to get started. You know what you want and (hopefully) you have a basic idea of how the relationship will work when you find it, but you have no idea how to find it. And the advice that you are likely to find only works if you know someone who could set you up, or if you are willing to join the tiring community of BDSM events and dating sites.

What about the people who want an actual person whom they have other things in common with or who doesn’t live a thousand miles away? Is it possible to begin such a relationship with someone that you met in person? Someone without a profile you could read to find out all their desires?

I did not make this a Q and A post because I don’t have a definite answer to give. Of course it is possible to begin a FemDom relationship this way, but not if you are too afraid of rejection and failure that you would not try. Not if you present all of your deepest desires to your person of interest and become confused when they run away.

This is where the base desire comes in. I like to call it the base desire because it does not imply that you should discontinue your other desires; only that you should be able to identify the one that you could explain simply to someone with out scaring them.

I also like to call it the base desire because it implies a starting point that you should build off of in the relationship. Begin with something that you like (hosiery, feet, female confidence), share it with the person and then build off of it.

This way instead of being overwhelmed, they would feel like they were a part of the process. They would not feel like they are given too much to handle. They would feel connected to you in a way that would be different than their previous experiences.

Can you see how this works better than trying to completely confess in one conversation?

Can you see how this builds a stronger relationship?

And how I never said that you should give up?

–Miss Ari ^_^

It’s the Little Things

Keep up the good work and I just might have to have you do my toes too!

Keep up the good work and I just might have to have you do my toes too!

It’s not always the large performances of submission that prove his devotion. Most of the time, it’s just the little things. Some days are exciting and filled with all types of “play”, and some days are not. On lazy days, sometimes the only thing that I want to do is have him sit at my feet as we watch a movie together and there is nothing wrong with that at all. 

A good submissive man should have a desire to learn new things. A good dominant woman is able to give clear instruction to help her man learn the new activities that he will have to preform for her.

Painting nails, massages, courtship manners, cooking, cleaning, and sexually pleasing are some of the things that a submissive man will likely be taught.

Of course, the little things are still inferior to the large feats of dedication, but in the beginning of a FemDom relationship, the little things are a big deal (at least to him).

The little acts of submission must be nurtured like seeds so that they bloom later on in the relationship. When a polite act is not met with a positive or approving response from the woman, the man will likely not do this again. 

Women have such a wonderful position to be able to influence the relationship by showing the man what behavior she accepts and what behavior she does not. And yet  so many women do not understand why their men do not behave how they want them to. Perhaps they do not want their men to behave, perhaps they wish for something to complain about to their friends, or perhaps, they do not understand that it’s the little things.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Ten FemDom Uses for Pantyhose

Would you like to know what the air hostesses like to do when we go on break?

Would you like to know what the air hostesses like to do when we go on break?

I am a big fan of reversible jackets and purses (so convenient) and I am an even bigger fan of hosiery items. As a result I have decided to come up with a list of FemDom activities that can be done with the most versatile clothing item; a pair of pantyhose.

One: Gag

Can you think of anything hotter than a  woman taking off the pantyhose that she is wearing and shoving them into her lovers mouth to keep him quiet? Especially when they smell and taste like her.

Two: Blindfold

This one’s pretty self explanatory. Though, they may not work as well  as a scarf since they are sheer.

Three: Bondage

Pantyhose may seem flimsy but they are actually really hard to get out of. If you tie them right, the harder you pull on them, the tighter they get because of how elastic they behave.

Four: Mask

Humiliation play seems to be quite popular. If you wanted you could pull a pair of pantyhose over his head. But if you’re like me, you wont be able to look at his face without giggling ^_^

Five: Sensation play

The smooth feel of nylon is a large part of the hosiery fetish. they feel nice when you wear them like gloves and touch his…

Six: Foot Worship

Nylon makes even the most normal feet look exquisite and exotic. Who wouldn’t want to worship that?

Seven: Tease

Our Saturday mornings are fun. On one hand, my entire lower body is covered in fabric as i lounge on the couch. You do not get the pleasure  of seeing me nude. But on the other hand, the fabric is delightfully sheer. You can see just enough to drive you mad with lust.

Eight: Denial

Thigh highs and unders mean sex. Pantyhose mean I just want to play. Don’t you just love my nylon fetish?

Nine: Cock ring

Or temporary chastity; it depends on how you restrict. This seems like it would work fine but i have yet to try it for myself so don’t quote me on that one.

Ten: Feminization

I read somewhere that men in the US wear pantyhose, though i have never met any. I suppose this could be incorporated into feminization, you know, make him look pretty like a good little girl.

P.S.

Eleven: Leash

Yes, I know that I said ten things but as I was writing, I thought of this and I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten one of my favorite FemDom activities. So I added it on 🙂

(Disclaimer: This post was written as a conversation topic only. I do not recommend that you so these activities unless you know what you are doing, as they can cause injuries if done improperly.)

–Miss Ari ^_^

Can We Just Talk?

"Now that you are completely nude, you may come sit at my feet. But don't be nervous, Honey, we will only talk at first."

“Now that you are completely nude, you may come sit at my feet. But don’t be nervous, Honey, we will only talk at first.”

It is hard to find people that just like to talk. If you talk about sex to a parent, they begin to think that you are sexually active; If you talk about sex to a partner, they begin to think that you want to be sexually active; If you talk about sex to the person sitting next to you on the bullet train, they begin to think you have some form of mental disease and they run away screaming.

I guess it’s just another thing that I don’t understand. Why are people so self conscious about sexuality? Why can’t we just talk?

I think FemDom fixes this a little bit. I have no clue who decided that women were not supposed to think that they are sexy, but every woman in a female led relationship (that I’ve met) don’t think this way. Women are sensual creatures. They can be sexy, hypnotizing, enticing, and frightening all at the same time. And with FemDom, it is not taboo, it’s beautiful. It’s natural.

The first kind of training that I like to do is something I call honesty training. (More on that later :p). This is basically breaking down the barrier of conversation. I want to know all of his fantasies, his fears, all of his experiences, all of his hatreds, and his loves. I want to know so that he can witness me accepting him.

But even people who want to talk sometimes aren’t exactly the best conversationalists. Some of the dominant women that I talk to so deeply believe in their way of doing things that they won’t listen or even consider another’s opinion. it’s terrible thing. Because everyone has something worth listening to.

What if we spoke about our sexual preferences as if it was some other topic, such as the weather? What if we discussed bondage like it was one of Sigmund Freud’s theories? What if you walked into a bar and the men sitting on the stools were discussing their hosiery fetish? (I’m just a dreamer, I guess).

I haven’t found someone decent to talk to yet, but i’ll never stop looking for someone that will know what I mean when I ask, Can We Just Talk?

–Miss Ari ^_^

What kind of Domme are you?

"Don't let my Kimono fool you. If you are going to hit on me, you must do it on your knees!"

“Don’t let my Kimono fool you. If you are going to hit on me, you must do it on your knees!”

Definitely a question that I wish people would ask more often. So many people are plagued with the idea that if you are a dominant woman, you must be wearing a leather corset under your blouse and carrying a whip in your purse.

I think perhaps it is that people are confusing these woman with a dominatrix. Just because I am sexually aggressive in bed does not mean that I wear these.

No way I am going to stand up in these.

No way I am going to stand up in these.

Yes, it is true that a huge element of FemDom is dressing the part, but everyone seems to think that there is only one way to do this. To quote a blog that I admire, “And I’ll play wearing fuzzy slippers if I damned well want to!”

I actually do not own a pair of fuzzy slippers, but you will get the idea. If I tell you that I am a domme, it is rude to assume that I dress and behave a certain way.

Malaysian FemDom attire looks like this.

flower shirt meichinmyblog

Its always beautiful, always sexy, and this particular outfit looks rather comfortable. Going by the way people think dominant women are supposed to dress, this woman is not supposed to be dominant.

But the truth is, there are many types of dommes. Some like business attire, some dress like geisha’s, some like to dress like biker girls, some like to dress like gothis ballerina’s, some like to dress like this…

Haha, i am just kidding... sort of ^o^

Haha, i am just kidding… sort of ^o^

And some just like to dress normal… go figure.

Just because I don’t wear leather pants during a ‘session’, doesn’t make me any less dominant than the next woman. And if I did decide to conform to what I think a dominant woman is supposed to wear, then it wouldn’t be called an alternative lifestyle, would it?

…Just a thought.

–Miss Ari ^_^

I am attracted to submissive men.

"You don't have to pretend anymore. You don't have to lie to me. And you shouldn't. it is insulting. I see you for who you are. And I love you for it."

“You don’t have to pretend anymore. You don’t have to lie to me. And you shouldn’t. it is insulting. I see you for who you are. And I love you for it.”

I will admit that female led relationships do not always work. And why is that? Because people do not understand that this is not just a pass time. It is not just a game that you get to play until you don’t want to anymore. A real dominant woman is attracted to submissive men.

To see the way he looks at her without attempt to hide his awe is attractive.

To know without a doubt that the trust that he puts in her is stronger that anything you will ever experience is attractive.

To see that he wants her but he also wants her happiness, and he will go against his own needs to fulfill hers, is attractive.

I don’t think that the power exchange that occurs in FemDom relationships is a sign of weakness or a fear that he will not be able to please her otherwise. I think it is a deep connection and understanding that a woman has of her man; and with this understanding, she can bring out parts of himself that he did not even know were there.

And who cares if other people don’t understand that? Who cares if I can’t talk to some of my friends about my relationships because it is that they won’t understand it and they will be frustrated, or think that I think I am better than them.

I am attracted to submissive men and I would not dare say that I am not just to have something ‘vanilla’ to talk about at the next dinner party. Would you?

–Miss Ari ^_^