Spanking Therapy Interview

A while ago, I posted that I started offering Disciplinarian services in North Carolina and surrounding areas. A lot of you have been asking so many questions about why? and How? and What? You can read my FAQ section on my new website here.

If you want an in depth look into my Holistic Discipline methods, take a look at the interview I did over at SomeonesGonnaGetIt.WordPress.com

Here’s a quick preview…..

I went a little overboard, which you all know I do at times, and asked a ton of questions. Very compelling woman and interview. Hope you all enjoy Ms. Ari.

Hi Ari! You found a love of spanking at a very early age, didn’t you?

Yes, I sure did. But it was something that I did suppress for a long while.

Is it true your mom walked in on you spanking all of your dolls?

Yes, that is completely true!

 

She didn’t think it was odd?

I think she thought it was more entertaining/adorable than anything else.

 

I agree with her. Were you spanked growing up?

I did not grow up in a house hold of spankings or any other corporal punishment method.

 

Do you think kids should be?

When it comes to children, I think it depends on the child. Not every kid is at the same cognitive or emotional level and it can be damaging if they are physically punished and they can’t comprehend why. They could start to believe that bad things happen to them no matter what they do and develop a victim mentality. (I won’t go into too much detail, even though I definitely could, lol). I’m not saying it shouldn’t be used as a tool; but I am saying it should never be done out of anger or revenge, and it should only occur if the child has the personality where it would benefit them. Just pay close attention to how it affects them.

 

Did you play any spanking games with your friends?

Actually, yes. I used to playfully spank some of my college roommates.

 

I was thinking when you were younger, but that’s more thrilling. Do you remember the first time you gave someone a spanking?

The first person I gave a REAL discipline spanking to happens to be my husband when we first met.

Keep reading Here

 

 

–Miss Ari ^_^

I’m Back

images (2)

That’s right. I’m back from a hiatus… A looooong hiatus. I can’t believe that it has really been two years since my last post. I didn’t necessarily intend for that to happen. Never the less, I do have a couple of updates and announcements.

1) I’ll be continuing my “Black and White” series trying to post weekly.

2) I’ve been busy writing some erotica and publishing them on Amazon Kindle. I’ve started to add the titles to my Books Worth Reading page. Go check it out

3) I’ve also started offering services as a professional disciplinarian. Find out what that means and how it could benefit you at my other website here holisticdiscipline.com

4) If you want to get in touch with me from now on, you might get a faster response from my new email address on my about page

That’s all for now,

Welcome me back with a comment below.

–Miss Ari ^_^

The Hardest Part About This Blog

Class is not restricted by age.

Class is not restricted by age.

By far the pictures. I often find it difficult to find a picture depicting both elegance and female power. Most of the FemDom photos that can be found are vulgar to say the least. And a fair amount of picture of women in hosiery are of the same context. I need pictures that depict that hosiery is sexy, yes, but I also need pictures that do not make it seem sleazy.

This blog is restricted to the pictures of poise; of confident woman that know how to handle themselves in a manner that exceeds outsider opinions.

This is not something that I will settle on. I will not give in to something that is just okay. I will scavenge for the strong and accurate pictures. These days, we could use more determination in our lives even if we only start with something that may seem small.

I am not afraid to go first. I choose photos of the gentle prowess of the dominant woman and the men who love them.

–Miss Ari ^_^

What I Look For in a Submissive Man

It's a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

It’s a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

What Dominant Women look for in a submissive? I find this question a lot on the internet. I also find that there aren’t that many real answers available.

Let’s fix that.

Now, I can’t speak for the “Dominatrix type” of Dominant Woman. And I can’t speak on behalf of women who claim to be “switch women”. I can only speak for myself; a Dominant Woman, attracted to submissive men, looking for a valuable partner rather than a quick scene to fuel fantasies. I can’t even speak for every real Dominant Woman because everyone has their own preferences. But I can definitely give some insight on the basic things that a Dominant Woman looks for in a partner. 

1) Cleanliness!

It probably sounds odd to mention such a thing as a first priority, but I find that I am always way more attracted to a man that is dressed and smells clean than I am to the most submissive man in the world. This does not mean wearing a lot of cologne. It means making yourself appear more healthy and organized by taking care of your self and choosing clothing that is appropriate looks good on you and is clean.

2) Manners

Now that we have gotten the basics out of the way, we can move on to manners. This one should be obvious, though. The best way to get a Dominant Woman’s attention is to willingly treat her as she needs to be treated. Manners need to be physical and verbal. Do not call her Mistress or Queen or Boss. It is just a bad idea; you don’t know what she wants to be called, and you could risk embarrassing yourself and ruining your chances (or confusing her if she isn’t familiar with FemDom terms). Be courteous.

3) Talents/ Interesting traits

This one is probably unexpected. The third thing I always look for is something that “sparkles”. It doesn’t have to be amazing, or revolutionary, or even all that interesting to me. You play an instrument? That’s lovely. You speak multiple languages? Me too; I am intrigued. You like murder mystery novels? I don’t care for them, but I’d still like to know.

What I know about you, helps me make predictions as to how you would react to me if we were ever intimate. Make sense now?

This is my opportunity to get into your head, so be prepared.

4) Submission

This is where I start to look for submissive behavior. I am attracted to submissive men. It’s almost natural for me to recognize submissive behaviors. It is likely that other Dominant Women will do the same. Some common things I notice are submissive body language (placing me in a more respectable or higher position than himself) and verbal submissive behavior (verbally admitting my leadership/superiority).

A few things to notice here are how I never said that Dominantrix or FemDom experience is a prerequisite. Experience in serving another woman means absolutely nothing to me. I have my own needs and desires. I never gave a preference for race (how can I?). I never mentioned money either. Money is a plus and the lack thereof is a minor drawback, not a deal breaker.

–MIss Ari ^_^

Why the Hosiery?

Isn't it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

Isn’t it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

“What is the use for hosiery in the FemDom practice? There is nothing on the list of FemDom uses for pantyhose that cannot simply be done with a few purchases from a BDSM site. So why even own a pair?”

These are questions I’ve never been asked, but I’m sure someone has thought of. To many women, the answer is obvious, but for those of you whom are still perplexed, let me explain.

Something happens in the mind of a woman when she suits herself up from head to toe in leather; when she covers with skins that are not her own, when she goes through her toy box for whatever flogger will be her favorite for the evening. Something changes as she transforms herself into the image that she believes to be a dominant woman. Often times she may loose herself completely. She will become a personality that she will immediately toss aside as soon as she sheds herself of the leather corset. It is difficult to see the problem here at first, because there should be nothing wrong with being a dominant woman. She may be completely in control throughout the whole ‘scene’. She will break her slave an remind him to whom he belongs, but when this dominant woman sets down her whip, she has lost all of that. The activities that took place are now in the past and will not reoccur until the leather is back on her body. In essence, this woman is not dominant at all; she is just a really good actress. 

When female domination happens without these things present, then they are not associated with her dominance. Suddenly it was not the paddle in her hand that made her so intimidating; suddenly it was not the crotchless leather pants, or the whip, or the dildo that made her so dominant. It was just her. Every dominant woman needs to be reminded that the things that she thought were essential in order to be a good Domme, were not needed at all. All that was needed was her. 

So why the essential pantyhose, then?

Well, for one it is a confidence booster. But not in the same way as fetish wear is. Unless you are a dominatrix, you would not wear your fetish wear all day long. She would, however, wear hosiery to work or shopping or whatever else she enjoys. She did not have to change what she looks like in order to act like a dominant woman later on in the evening. She COULD have been dominant at any point in the day. She simply chose not to. 

Other than that, hosiery give the illusion of flawlessness. It shows femininity with any ensemble. It shows modesty (even if it is partly satirical). And it shows that she has class and is to be respected. 

If I had it my way, everyone would understand this. But since we all already have an agreement, I just thought I’d explain.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Man That Provides (A Poem)

tumblr_mhkc4j8x0s1rgsoq1o1_400I grew up with those girls in cherry red laces,
With snow white bows, and soft pretty faces,
And I’ll swear to you over and over again,
Than I can’t possibly be any different than them.

They desire a mate that’s strong not lame,
And to some extent, I swear I’m the same,
They prepare and train and work all their lives,
In order to gain a man that provides.

If I set my standards to a scale of ten,
Manners would appear again and again,
I would not stand for ill manner or rudeness, besides,
A girl only wishes her man would provide.

I’ve picked out his duties, his jobs and more,
I will need him able, to complete the chores,
He must be obedient and provide patient features,
And if he were docile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

For the best results, I guess I must lead,
But it will be quite easy indeed,
He’ll learn when to shut his mouth to survive,
I want nothing more than a man who provides.

So don’t you see? It’s not much that I ask.
I believe I’ve requested the simplest task,
These submissive men are in large supply,
It is easy to find man that provides.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

This poem was inspired in part by my own experiences of hearing what was desired around me and thinking that I wanted the same thing. And of course, I could say that I want a man that provides just like the other women but, I never really did want what they want. My ideal man provided different things than theirs did. I think a lot of women are like this. They are holding back and trying to fit their wants and their needs into the empty spaces of societies puzzle, but sooner or later they will find that it doesn’t work.

And when that day comes, it will all make sense.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Tell Me About Your Dominant Side

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

I once spoke with a friend who wanted to know why I didn’t have the desire to submit in a relationship; After a brief explanation, the next request was ‘Tell me about your dominant side’.

The assumption here was that my dominance was a side, or an option, something that I needed to tap into whenever I had need of it. It never occurred to me that it could be a side. For me, It was never a side. It was my core, and it was hidden behind societal values until I realized that I could let it out. This is different than if it had been like a coin. I would be capable of flipping it from side to side whenever I felt like it, but one side of a coin can only consist of half the coin. The other half must always have its share.

The dominance coin may be useful to some women, who are uncomfortable with being dominant. With this concept, they are able to turn off their dominance and ‘fit in’ to the stencils that they have been raised with. 

But I bet, the stencils bring pain, and I bet conformity is a miserable peace. 

It is certainly something that I am no longer willing or able to do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that a dominant woman is totally dominant all the time. It is impossible. As a citizen of any country, a dominant woman abides by the laws, and perhaps even as a daughter, a dominant woman may behave less dominantly in the presence of her mother out of respect. A dominant woman will not resist submission in stewardship to what she holds valuable, But a dominant woman will NOT take a submissive role in order to gain friends or make those around her more comfortable. 

So my dear friends, I can not tell you about my dominant side, because it is not a side. It is a life style, it is a personality, it is a thought frame. It doesn’t turn off, or go away. It is not curable or a result of a bad child hood.

It is natural and it is me. And I LOVE me!

–Miss Ari ^_^

I’m Taking You With Me

Will you follow, or are you too afraid?

Will you follow, or are you too afraid?

You’ve made a terrible mistake, My darling.

For being so good at these things that I ask of you. For knowing me so well after only a few short months. It was a terribly wonderful mistake because now I’m taking taking you with me.

It is not a question, My dear man,

but if it were, I know your answer would be “Yes, Miss!”, so it is actually better for me to simply tell you that I am taking you with me.

I am going to so many wonderful places,

Some I may just visit and some I may stay a while, but each one will be grand. I am going to the end of the earth and (perhaps) back. And you don’t have to say anything, My sweet, for I know that you will follow me all the way. And that is why I’m taking you with me.

I am so happy to see how confused you are now.

We will count the days together until you finally see the glory of what I have allowed of you, treasured slave. What I have allowed now that I’m taking you with me.

Don’t worry about your inexperience, though. I already know of it and I am willing to teach you when I take you with me.

Don’t worry of the key to your new silver collar, My beloved. We will mot need it now that I have decided that I’m taking you with me.

Don’t worry of what others will think, My pet, none of their opinions will matter anymore when we get started.

And don’t worry that I will become bored of you, My pet.

I have bought fair for an endless journey seated left of my desires and right of my passions.

And aren’t you so glad that I’m taking you with me?

–Miss Ari ^_^

Domestic Domme

 

I'm in charge because i said so, Darling. Don't question me again, or I'll show you what this rolling pin is really for.

I’m in charge because i said so, Darling. Don’t question me again, or I’ll show you what this rolling pin is really for.


This post will be a continuation of something that I hadn’t intended to become a series. I wrote a post called What Kind if Domme are You, then i answered the question personally in another post called Romantic Domme.
But i guess it won’t end there because now i would like discuss a different kind of domme; the domestic domme.
I think this type of domme i way more common than any other type of domme. The domestic domme favors what the tittle entails; a relationship of female dominace that would require total servitude of the male, but on a private basis.
Now, the domestic Domme is no less strict that any other domme. And simply because the dominance takes place in the house hold, it does not mean that the male is free to missbehave when the couple is in public. In fact, a submissive of a domestic domme is likely to be more obediant in public situations, but the domestic domme will have luttle interest in public humiliation.
The aspect of a domestic domme is simply the privacy of the play. The dommestic domme will not flaunt her sexual dominance to anyone other than a few close friends. The domestic domme will not feel the need to take on multiple submissives or participate in cuckolding. These things are simply not nessesary in this particular life style.
With the domestic domme, dominance will take place in the house hold (or likely in a marriage) and the dominance will be present from the begining of the relationship.
In the life style of a domestic domme, dominance is not a fantasy or a game. Dominance is simply the choice that the woman has made, and if you dont like it, well… she doesn’t care what you think.
–Miss Ari ^_^

I have no Interest in Being a Dominatrix

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

It is just something that will never appeal to me for various reasons. But since, there are still some people that don’t understand, Let me breifly explain.
First of all, it’s not real. It’s decidedly fake and dishonorable in my opinion. It in no way involves the connection of a woman dominating a man, because it is the man who initiates it and tells the woman what he wants and he pays her for it. This is not domination; this is an act. It is a false representation of what a real Dominant/submissive relationship is like. You cannot buy domination, because if the submissive is purchasing it, then they are the one in control.

The next reason that I will never be a dominatrix is because I would not stand for that type of treatment. The “bottoms” that think they can buy domination, will come with a list of things they want done to them, and I would be unable to bring myself to preform scenes that I am uninterested in.

Number three is a common occurrence in the BDSM community. A number of men that go to a dominatrix, go to be abused. To them, it is more about the pain than the submission, they don’t expect to have to make an actual commitment or be loyal as a submissive should be. All that they are after is a session to fuel their fantasies. As a dominant woman, I would have a problem with having subs that don’t feel the need to actually be mine.

Lastly, It would simply take up too much of my time and effort that could be better used somewhere else, or on my own personal submissive. To me it would certainly not be worth the money and I certainly would not want to condone sch a practice.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Romantic Domme

"Oh, my dear slave, of course I know that it is your birthday. I got you a 'gift', and it's bitter sweet, just the way I know you like it. What's that dear? Why, yes, Mistress knows that you love her."

“Oh, my dear slave, of course I know that it is your birthday. I got you a ‘gift’, and it’s bitter sweet, just the way I know you like it.”
“What’s that dear? Why, yes, Mistress knows that you love her.”

A while ago, I wrote a post called what kind of Domme are you? Humorously enough, as a result of this post, I got asked the question, “What kind of Domme are you?”

I am not a complicated type of person, but I am complex. I like what I want, when I want it and one of the things that I want a lot is romance.

In my mind, the romantic type of Domme is the type of Domme that craves a connection between her and her submissive. Emotion and mood are large factors in her ideal type of ‘play’. She wants to see her submissive react to what she does to him.

This type of Dominant Woman is unlikely to want a mindless slave who has no boundaries and no feelings toward the events or progress of the relationship. She wants to see that he has fears that he overcomes for her; she wants to see that he has opinions that are influenced by her; and she wants to see that he has a heart that is captivated by her slightest touch.

The Romantic Domme likes to spend time with her submissive. She would sooner have him sleep curled at her feet, than in a cage in the corner. This type of woman likes for him to learn her likes and dislikes so that he can know how to please her at any moment in time. 

The romantic Domme also behaves more possessively and likes to show off her submissive. She likes to go out to dinner, or walk in the park, or take him with her when she goes shoe shopping. 

To the romantic Domme, time spent together is more important than what is engraved on her new paddle–or on any toy, for that matter. Because it’s not about the toys (torturous or not), its about the beauty that is found within the scene, and the passion that manifests in this ‘abnormal’ relationship.

Yes, I know that this post now sounds a bit cheezy, but to a Romantic Domme, Its about the romance.

–Miss Ari ^_^

If You Are a Dominant Woman, Then Why Are You Single?

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

I cannot even pretend that I was amused throughout this actual conversation that I had with a ‘friend’ of mine. Her point was simple; If being a dominant woman is so great, then why are you still single?

This is by far not the most ignorant thing that I have ever heard, but it is pretty damn close. This statement was probably the equivalent to,

“If America is so great, why aren’t you famous yet?”

Or,

“If you like eggs so much, why don’t you own a chicken farm?”

Knowing someones preferences does not give you the right to expect to see a certain behavior from them.

Just because I am dominant, does not mean that I will automatically never be alone. A dominant woman is still a woman, with feelings and flaws and preferences and any confident woman will think wisely about a relationship instead of behaving based on a desperate need to not be alone. 

My current single status does not make me a bad domme, just like a vanilla woman’s single status would not make her a lesbian.

In my case, I have recently moved. I am in a new environment with new people and I have decided that for now I will take my love life one day at a time and see where it takes me. It does not mean that I am unsure about being dominant and it certainty does not mean that I am questioning mu ability to fulfill my desires.

But setting aside my frustrations with my friend, i would like to point out that asking someone why they are single is rude no matter what their preferences are. 

These are all things that I wish I had said to my friend. Now that I think about it, the thing that I actually said was just fighting fire with fire. 

It went something like this: “Since you are so obviously intrigued by my dominant desires, then why aren’t you dominant yet?”

–Miss Ari ^_^

There’s No Turning Back

 

I remember when I didn’t know what FemDom meant. I remember back when the worlds way was the only way, and I was content to being drastically different. 

I also remember when I found out that there was a name to my desires and when I found out that there were other people with the same desires. 

I am a very passionate person by nature and whenever I am passionate about something , it leaks out. It shows in my behavior, and my attitude, and in my speech. And if there is ever a chance of turning back for me, it is in this stage. When the passion begins to build within me. All I need to do is suppress it enough–push it way down, deep within me. I should swipe it out of my mind, cover it up with the norm, snuff the fire of my passion.

But that stage of my passion has passed two years ago.

There’s nothing I ca do now. There is no turning back and nothing to turn back to. There is no way to stop my desire.

And the best part is, I don’t want to.

–Miss Ari ^_^

What am I supposed to be insecure about again?

"Don't forget your daily self criticism!"

“Don’t forget your daily self criticism!”

I think the media is doing this to me on purpose. How am I supposed to keep up with all of the aspects that I am supposed to be insecure about? Today it’s hair. Tomorrow it’s shoes. And the next day it’s the shape of my nose.

I can’t even get angry with people who tell me that I should put myself down because I don’t look a certain way. It is exhausting to play that game everyday and I haven’t played it in years. Every time I stand in the mirror I look at myself and I am glad that I do not look just like the girl on the tele. If I was her, I would have to act like she does and get treated like she does. As long as I am me, I am allowed to live by my own rules. I can wear what ever I think makes me look like I deserve respect.

I can dress like I belong in my world not yours. I can lounge around wearing nothing but pantyhose (something I do almost every day) even if there is no one there to see me<^_^>. And I don’t have to mind if you think that I am crazy, because I don’t play that game anymore. I don’t play by your rules.

Similarly, you do not have to play by my rules. You may do things that make me not want to respect you or that make me wish I could influence you in my direction. But at the end of it all, you are allowed to play by your own rules and I respect you for that. All I ask in return is that you respect me back.

–Miss Ari ^_^

I am attracted to submissive men.

"You don't have to pretend anymore. You don't have to lie to me. And you shouldn't. it is insulting. I see you for who you are. And I love you for it."

“You don’t have to pretend anymore. You don’t have to lie to me. And you shouldn’t. it is insulting. I see you for who you are. And I love you for it.”

I will admit that female led relationships do not always work. And why is that? Because people do not understand that this is not just a pass time. It is not just a game that you get to play until you don’t want to anymore. A real dominant woman is attracted to submissive men.

To see the way he looks at her without attempt to hide his awe is attractive.

To know without a doubt that the trust that he puts in her is stronger that anything you will ever experience is attractive.

To see that he wants her but he also wants her happiness, and he will go against his own needs to fulfill hers, is attractive.

I don’t think that the power exchange that occurs in FemDom relationships is a sign of weakness or a fear that he will not be able to please her otherwise. I think it is a deep connection and understanding that a woman has of her man; and with this understanding, she can bring out parts of himself that he did not even know were there.

And who cares if other people don’t understand that? Who cares if I can’t talk to some of my friends about my relationships because it is that they won’t understand it and they will be frustrated, or think that I think I am better than them.

I am attracted to submissive men and I would not dare say that I am not just to have something ‘vanilla’ to talk about at the next dinner party. Would you?

–Miss Ari ^_^

Can you explain your pantyhose fetish?

Back seems are beautiful! (From: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/257408934924577669/)

Back seems are beautiful!
(From: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/257408934924577669/)

I don’t think so. There are so many reasons why I wear pantyhose everyday. I wouldn’t be able to answer that question with just one sentence.
I might like the feel of them, I might like the smell of nylon, or I might just like the way they make my legs look. It could also be all of these reasons combined. And what may be a reason to one fetishist, could be considered weird to another person with the same fetish.
However, I particularly like that pantyhose are so modest. In America, so many women think it is attractive to have bare legs and very short pants or skirts.

Bare legs take away the mystery of your wardrobe and makes you look less professional. It also makes men respect you less; they no longer consider you worth setting a goal for because you are already on display.
Modesty is also an important part of FemDom. Pantyhose give the woman control over her man. He can see her, but he still does not have access.

–Miss Ari^_^