Q & A: How Do I Punish Him When He Enjoys Spanking?

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No I don’t believe you have forgotten your place. You just need a reminder.

I can tell you right off the bat that so many women worry needlessly about this sort of thing.

The first thing we have to think about is that regardless of whether or not someone enjoys spanking, it is still corporal punishment. A spanking, to a submissive man that enjoys it, still serves the purpose of reinforcing the dynamic of the relationship. It helps the Dominant to feel dominant and it helps the submissive to feel submissive to the Dominant. Even if he were to beg you for it and thank you for it afterward, it still has aspects of humiliation to it.

A masochist still feels pain and through receiving pain form their Dominant, they can reenter a submissive mind frame. In this case, corporal punishment can still serve as a corrective tool for slipping behaviors.

But let’s back track for a moment, because not all submissive are like this. In fact, most men that enjoy spanking enjoy it in a sensual sense. It is a level where it is still painful but not to a level that they would deem “too painful”. If you are seeking to use spankings as a punishment for this type of man, you need only step it up a notch. And this can be in intensity or in the implement that you choose. For instance, a man may enjoy being paddled, but would try to avoid the strap or the PVC tube at all costs.

Only if your skepticism still stands at this point, would I suggest that you start getting creative. There are, of course, other ways to discipline your submissive man including giving him rigorous physical tasks, chores and errands, or humiliation methods such as the many variations of corner time.

All other complications aside, it does come down to how you feel about it. If you don’t like the idea of spanking him to a point where he sees it as punishment, then you should turn to other methods. With whatever method you choose, your confidence must not wane. If think it will be effective, then it will.

Thanks for the question

–Miss Ari ^_^

Is it wrong?

Wrong? Don't be silly, darling. Does this feel wrong to you?

Wrong? Don’t be silly, darling. Does this feel wrong to you?

Well, what do you think? Because a majority of the people that ask this are not asking whether it is really wrong, but they are asking what they should think. They do not think it is wrong but society tells them that they should.

I don’t blame them for being skeptical. Skepticism is a critical part of surviving. So maybe, by popular definition it is weird. Maybe it doesn’t fit in too well; maybe it’s wrong, but it feels so good doesn’t it?

Your body screams for my dominance.
Your skin craves my caress.
Your heart yearns to be enveloped in the sound of my voice, no matter what the command.
Your very bones tremble as I leave.
Your mind surrendered long ago.
But it doesn’t matter because you trust me to think for you when you cannot think for yourself.

It is not ignorance that you live in. It’s not power craze that fuels me.
It is our essences folding together where they belong.
Your submission is bliss.

And at the end of the day, if we are apart, we are still together. Aren’t we?

You can still feel my hand entwined in your hair.

Is that wrong?

I don’t think so.

 

–Miss Ari ^_^

Disagreements in a FemDom relationship

Of course I will listen to your opinions. And of course I will have the final word

Of course I will listen to your opinions. And of course I will have the final word

It is my belief that in any healthy relationship, regardless of the power distribution, there should be no fights.

Disagreements, however, will always happen whether you want them to or not. One person may want one thing and the other person may want something different. Obvious solutions to disagreements are a lot of communication and compromise.

But how is this situation tackled in a relationship where there is power imbalance? What if the woman has final say in the decisions of a relationship? Wouldn’t that create a conflict?
The answer is no. In a FemDom relationship, compromise carries a different meaning. It is no longer, both parties attempting an equal sacrifice. It is now the dominant partners’ decision whether or not to implement the submissive wishes, and the submissive knowing that she has the option not to.

Any responsible Domme seeks knowledge about her submissive and takes it into consideration when making decisions. If not, bad things can happen.

A certain presentation of FemDom depicts the male’s presence making no changes to her decisions. This is unrealistic. Things like health and psychological strength have to be taken into account.

It may sound like a lot of pressure is being put on the dominant woman, and it probably is. It’s no secret that being dominant comes with responsibility. Conflicts should be tackled assuming that sort of responsibility.

A prime example is a dominant woman wanting to do a certain activity and the submissive not wanting this activity. The ultimate question is whether to push the submissive boundaries.

This can be looked at two ways. The first way is assuming that the submissive is apprehensive but is willing to accept her help and guidance into the new territory. This is ideal. In this case, the submissive should be pushed slightly to promote the growth of the relationship.

The second situation is if the submissive is unwilling to be pushed. In this case, the submissive will usually react with anger or resentment. These are the markings of a corrupt relationship. Pushing this type of submissive would cause more problems and not pushing this type of submissive would be a mockery of a FemDom relationship.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Thank you for all of the post requests I have gotten so far. If you’d like recognition for something you have requested, I am willing upon request.

Is Consistency in Training a Good Thing? Q and A.

Pay very close attention my darling. You must remember the rules... just incase I forget :p

Pay very close attention my darling. You must remember the rules… just incase I forget :p

Consistency. Is it a got thing or a bad thing?
Well, it depends; not on the person or the relationship; but simply how you think of consistency.
To some people, consistency in a relationship means that the relationship stays the same. The couple engages in the same activities as they did before. In this sense, no it is not a good thing. It is a bad thing to make a relationship into a routine.

But…

If we think of consistency as allowing solid expectations for behavior and holding him accountable to them, then YES. Consistency is imperitive.

“But what about keeping him on his toes?” You may ask.

Keeping him on his toes means that at no point will she tolerate a period of downtime in which he is allowed to be overtly disobedient.

“So no down time then?”

Down time doesn’t mean disobedience. It is important to be able to share each others company in a relaxed environment among others, but it is even more important to stay comfortable in your roles.

To a certain degree, you cannot change your expectation of his role daily. You will make him confused. But one of the hardest things to remember is that you have to teach him to like more than just your persona if the relationship is going to last.

It feels good to be back in America. I think the hardest part will be getting started with the blog again. Any requests?

misshosieryfetish@yahoo.com

–MIss Ari ^_^

Base Desire

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How can I get started?

I like posts that apply to both Dominant women and submissive men. This will be one of those posts.

I suppose this is actually a question and answer post; the question being simply “How do I get started?”

It’s the question so many people ask when they find out about FemDom, but it is also the question that is rarely answered. It seems really easy to get started. You know what you want and (hopefully) you have a basic idea of how the relationship will work when you find it, but you have no idea how to find it. And the advice that you are likely to find only works if you know someone who could set you up, or if you are willing to join the tiring community of BDSM events and dating sites.

What about the people who want an actual person whom they have other things in common with or who doesn’t live a thousand miles away? Is it possible to begin such a relationship with someone that you met in person? Someone without a profile you could read to find out all their desires?

I did not make this a Q and A post because I don’t have a definite answer to give. Of course it is possible to begin a FemDom relationship this way, but not if you are too afraid of rejection and failure that you would not try. Not if you present all of your deepest desires to your person of interest and become confused when they run away.

This is where the base desire comes in. I like to call it the base desire because it does not imply that you should discontinue your other desires; only that you should be able to identify the one that you could explain simply to someone with out scaring them.

I also like to call it the base desire because it implies a starting point that you should build off of in the relationship. Begin with something that you like (hosiery, feet, female confidence), share it with the person and then build off of it.

This way instead of being overwhelmed, they would feel like they were a part of the process. They would not feel like they are given too much to handle. They would feel connected to you in a way that would be different than their previous experiences.

Can you see how this works better than trying to completely confess in one conversation?

Can you see how this builds a stronger relationship?

And how I never said that you should give up?

–Miss Ari ^_^

Q & A: Why Can’t I Find a Submissive?

This world is so new to you, isn't it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby. Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

This world is so new to you, isn’t it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby.
Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

Anonymous: Why can’t I find a submissive?

I don’t know. Where have you been looking? You say that you’ve looked everywhere; on every BDSM, FemDom, and female led relationship dating site available. You’ve been to every munch, every “play dungeon”, and every meet up that didn’t interfere with your schedule. But the men are all wrong, aren’t they? They never fit your needs, do they?

I feel like banging my head against a wall whenever I hear a woman critique a mans “submissiveness”. It always goes one of two ways. 1) This man isn’t even submissive because he doesn’t know how to cook/address a dominant/massage feet/kneel perfectly. Or 2) That submissive isn’t right for me because he only knows how to massage the way his last domme taught him.

If you are this person, no one will ever be right for you. Men will always be too submissive/not submissive enough by your standards because you’ve missed a crucial peice of information when you read that BDSM story.

Submissive men are not mind readers; they’re just not. The inexperienced college grad will not know anything more about you than the experienced slave. And no matter how much you want things to instantly be your way, it will take either a little bit of effort on your part, or a lot of time on his part in order for him to anticipate the way you like things.

So why can’t you find a submissive? 

Your definition is wrong. A true submissive man isn’t a man that likes exactly what you like. A true submissive man is a man that likes to learn exactly what you like. And the truth is: the only way he is going to learn, is if you teach.

–Miss Ari ^_^