I have no Interest in Being a Dominatrix

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

It is just something that will never appeal to me for various reasons. But since, there are still some people that don’t understand, Let me breifly explain.
First of all, it’s not real. It’s decidedly fake and dishonorable in my opinion. It in no way involves the connection of a woman dominating a man, because it is the man who initiates it and tells the woman what he wants and he pays her for it. This is not domination; this is an act. It is a false representation of what a real Dominant/submissive relationship is like. You cannot buy domination, because if the submissive is purchasing it, then they are the one in control.

The next reason that I will never be a dominatrix is because I would not stand for that type of treatment. The “bottoms” that think they can buy domination, will come with a list of things they want done to them, and I would be unable to bring myself to preform scenes that I am uninterested in.

Number three is a common occurrence in the BDSM community. A number of men that go to a dominatrix, go to be abused. To them, it is more about the pain than the submission, they don’t expect to have to make an actual commitment or be loyal as a submissive should be. All that they are after is a session to fuel their fantasies. As a dominant woman, I would have a problem with having subs that don’t feel the need to actually be mine.

Lastly, It would simply take up too much of my time and effort that could be better used somewhere else, or on my own personal submissive. To me it would certainly not be worth the money and I certainly would not want to condone sch a practice.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Word About Erotic FemDom Stories

flickr domme heelsI can see the use for FemDom literature and I have written and read my fair share of Literotica or the BDSMLibrary, or what have you, but i always seem to see similar problems in these stories. (Warning: this post may be a bit of a rant)

Number one# There is little creativity

FemDom stories seem to come in limited types, black mail, spontaneous dream come true, I’ve read them all and I am getting a little bored.

Number two# The Dommes don’t ask this question

“Do you belong to anyone?” Just a little pet peeve that I have, and that I see a lot is when a Domme finds a submissive man and forces him into activities without first considering if he is someone else’s property. I don’t mind pushing to the front of the crowd but people tend to get upset when you have to step on their toes. This kind of thing in reality could cause a lot of social drama.

Number three# The women don’t have good reason

I guess this plays back into Number One. the creativity in this area is pitiful. A woman getting back at her cheating partner, a colleague she hates, or  something else of the sort. Very rarely do I read a story where the woman decides to dominate a man because she actually likes him.

Number four# There is no after care

A scene plays out, the woman dominates the man, and then just leaves him there lying on the ground or even still tied up. I’ve read many of these stories and I can’t say that I have enjoyed them. The women in these stories obviously don’t care that their “temporary slave” is also a person who, most likely, is completely mind blown by what just happened. I personally do not like the idea of casual BDSM but if I did participate in it, in real life, leaving a person in subspace can have fatal impacts on their psychological mind.

Number five# The man falls in love with someone he does not know

Just to piggy back off of the last one, in these stories the two (or sometimes more) people don’t know each other before they start a scene. For the submissive, the scene is emotional and the subspace that they experience can bring about an attachment to the woman who not only is basically a stranger, but also does not feel the same way. As a responsible Domme, you should be careful who you play with in order to prevent a Fatal Attraction.

These are only five of the things that I have found and i am sure that i’ll do a follow up post with more examples. It really bothers me, though, because it is all for entertainment and obviously most people know better, but for the people who don’t know better, or are just getting into BDSM, they might take these stories as realities. Accidents will happen and as an author, I would not want to be responsible.

–Miss Ari ^_^


For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.


Can We Just Talk?

"Now that you are completely nude, you may come sit at my feet. But don't be nervous, Honey, we will only talk at first."

“Now that you are completely nude, you may come sit at my feet. But don’t be nervous, Honey, we will only talk at first.”

It is hard to find people that just like to talk. If you talk about sex to a parent, they begin to think that you are sexually active; If you talk about sex to a partner, they begin to think that you want to be sexually active; If you talk about sex to the person sitting next to you on the bullet train, they begin to think you have some form of mental disease and they run away screaming.

I guess it’s just another thing that I don’t understand. Why are people so self conscious about sexuality? Why can’t we just talk?

I think FemDom fixes this a little bit. I have no clue who decided that women were not supposed to think that they are sexy, but every woman in a female led relationship (that I’ve met) don’t think this way. Women are sensual creatures. They can be sexy, hypnotizing, enticing, and frightening all at the same time. And with FemDom, it is not taboo, it’s beautiful. It’s natural.

The first kind of training that I like to do is something I call honesty training. (More on that later :p). This is basically breaking down the barrier of conversation. I want to know all of his fantasies, his fears, all of his experiences, all of his hatreds, and his loves. I want to know so that he can witness me accepting him.

But even people who want to talk sometimes aren’t exactly the best conversationalists. Some of the dominant women that I talk to so deeply believe in their way of doing things that they won’t listen or even consider another’s opinion. it’s terrible thing. Because everyone has something worth listening to.

What if we spoke about our sexual preferences as if it was some other topic, such as the weather? What if we discussed bondage like it was one of Sigmund Freud’s theories? What if you walked into a bar and the men sitting on the stools were discussing their hosiery fetish? (I’m just a dreamer, I guess).

I haven’t found someone decent to talk to yet, but i’ll never stop looking for someone that will know what I mean when I ask, Can We Just Talk?

–Miss Ari ^_^

I don’t understand Cuckolding

"You love my high sex drive, don't you Honey?"

“You love my high sex drive, don’t you Honey?”

For those of you who do not know what cuckolding is, Its basically cheating on your submissive man (either behind his back or in front of his face) with a non submissive man in order to fulfill some kind of erotic fantasy. To me, this is backwards and just doesn’t make any sense.

First of all, any real dominant woman is turned on by submissive men, therefore, the idea of taking a lover who is not submissive should have no appeal to her.

Secondly, the reason that cuckolding exists is to make the submissive man feel like he is incapable of satisfying his woman to the point where she needs to seek out a dominant man. However, a ‘vanilla’ lover will have no idea how to satisfy a dominant woman anyway because all he cares about is his own gratification. Cuckolding is much less satisfying than sex with your submissive man.

Thirdly, cuckolding implies a nature of hierarchy within the male population. It implies that my submissive man (no matter how hard he tries) can not satisfy me because he is inferior to other men. This may be part of the fantasy, however, it does not make sense to me because why would any dominant woman, having respect and pride toward her pet and the work that she has put into him, put him below another man? If anything, me should be below women, not other men.

And lastly, the authors of cuckolding blogs are usually feminists who believe in female empowerment. But cuckolding implies that all women can only be satisfied through being submissive with a partner. So women can never really be dominant? This is insulting and very untrue.

I have read blogs of dominant women who claim to believe men exist to serve women, yet, these are the same women that cuckold their men with men that go against virtually everything that they believe in. And that doesn’t make sense.

My submissive partners allow me to own them. It may just be the Asian part of my personality, but I am proud of and take care of what I own. if for some reason he cannot satisfy me, then I am not training him right.

–Miss Ari ^_^