What I Look For in a Submissive Man

It's a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

It’s a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

What Dominant Women look for in a submissive? I find this question a lot on the internet. I also find that there aren’t that many real answers available.

Let’s fix that.

Now, I can’t speak for the “Dominatrix type” of Dominant Woman. And I can’t speak on behalf of women who claim to be “switch women”. I can only speak for myself; a Dominant Woman, attracted to submissive men, looking for a valuable partner rather than a quick scene to fuel fantasies. I can’t even speak for every real Dominant Woman because everyone has their own preferences. But I can definitely give some insight on the basic things that a Dominant Woman looks for in a partner. 

1) Cleanliness!

It probably sounds odd to mention such a thing as a first priority, but I find that I am always way more attracted to a man that is dressed and smells clean than I am to the most submissive man in the world. This does not mean wearing a lot of cologne. It means making yourself appear more healthy and organized by taking care of your self and choosing clothing that is appropriate looks good on you and is clean.

2) Manners

Now that we have gotten the basics out of the way, we can move on to manners. This one should be obvious, though. The best way to get a Dominant Woman’s attention is to willingly treat her as she needs to be treated. Manners need to be physical and verbal. Do not call her Mistress or Queen or Boss. It is just a bad idea; you don’t know what she wants to be called, and you could risk embarrassing yourself and ruining your chances (or confusing her if she isn’t familiar with FemDom terms). Be courteous.

3) Talents/ Interesting traits

This one is probably unexpected. The third thing I always look for is something that “sparkles”. It doesn’t have to be amazing, or revolutionary, or even all that interesting to me. You play an instrument? That’s lovely. You speak multiple languages? Me too; I am intrigued. You like murder mystery novels? I don’t care for them, but I’d still like to know.

What I know about you, helps me make predictions as to how you would react to me if we were ever intimate. Make sense now?

This is my opportunity to get into your head, so be prepared.

4) Submission

This is where I start to look for submissive behavior. I am attracted to submissive men. It’s almost natural for me to recognize submissive behaviors. It is likely that other Dominant Women will do the same. Some common things I notice are submissive body language (placing me in a more respectable or higher position than himself) and verbal submissive behavior (verbally admitting my leadership/superiority).

A few things to notice here are how I never said that Dominantrix or FemDom experience is a prerequisite. Experience in serving another woman means absolutely nothing to me. I have my own needs and desires. I never gave a preference for race (how can I?). I never mentioned money either. Money is a plus and the lack thereof is a minor drawback, not a deal breaker.

–MIss Ari ^_^

We Like to Lay Together (fiction)

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We like to spend time together. I demand it at least once a day.

It’s so wonderful for us to enjoy each others company this way, but my husband has a very low attention span.

I decided very early on that he would have to learn to be patient and remain still when I find it necessary. But I still don’t know if he has learned. I bought the ropes to train him, but now I like them too much and I still keep him in them. I like the helplessness that he displays when I tie him to one of the bed posts. When his legs and arms are restrained and cannot move, he cannot decide what happens next. He can only look at me to try and figure out what I am thinking. What I want. His eyes watch the gestures that I make. He knows what will happen if I go to the closet; that’s where I keep my box. He knows that if I leave the room, I will probably not come back for a few hours. Most times I’ll just lay on the bed with him, though.

We like to lay together. It is so fun to tease him when we lay together, too. Often times I’ll let my feet play over his naked skin and watch as he shivers. I trace down his neck and chest with my finger nails and smile as he shudders. I caress him and am always pleased when he trembles and moans. He’s just so amusing to play with!

Sometimes I release him while he is still panting and needy and I send him out of the room to do some chore. Sometimes I get my satisfaction first.

But most times I keep him all night long, because we like to lay together.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.

Why the Hosiery?

Isn't it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

Isn’t it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

“What is the use for hosiery in the FemDom practice? There is nothing on the list of FemDom uses for pantyhose that cannot simply be done with a few purchases from a BDSM site. So why even own a pair?”

These are questions I’ve never been asked, but I’m sure someone has thought of. To many women, the answer is obvious, but for those of you whom are still perplexed, let me explain.

Something happens in the mind of a woman when she suits herself up from head to toe in leather; when she covers with skins that are not her own, when she goes through her toy box for whatever flogger will be her favorite for the evening. Something changes as she transforms herself into the image that she believes to be a dominant woman. Often times she may loose herself completely. She will become a personality that she will immediately toss aside as soon as she sheds herself of the leather corset. It is difficult to see the problem here at first, because there should be nothing wrong with being a dominant woman. She may be completely in control throughout the whole ‘scene’. She will break her slave an remind him to whom he belongs, but when this dominant woman sets down her whip, she has lost all of that. The activities that took place are now in the past and will not reoccur until the leather is back on her body. In essence, this woman is not dominant at all; she is just a really good actress. 

When female domination happens without these things present, then they are not associated with her dominance. Suddenly it was not the paddle in her hand that made her so intimidating; suddenly it was not the crotchless leather pants, or the whip, or the dildo that made her so dominant. It was just her. Every dominant woman needs to be reminded that the things that she thought were essential in order to be a good Domme, were not needed at all. All that was needed was her. 

So why the essential pantyhose, then?

Well, for one it is a confidence booster. But not in the same way as fetish wear is. Unless you are a dominatrix, you would not wear your fetish wear all day long. She would, however, wear hosiery to work or shopping or whatever else she enjoys. She did not have to change what she looks like in order to act like a dominant woman later on in the evening. She COULD have been dominant at any point in the day. She simply chose not to. 

Other than that, hosiery give the illusion of flawlessness. It shows femininity with any ensemble. It shows modesty (even if it is partly satirical). And it shows that she has class and is to be respected. 

If I had it my way, everyone would understand this. But since we all already have an agreement, I just thought I’d explain.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Man That Provides (A Poem)

tumblr_mhkc4j8x0s1rgsoq1o1_400I grew up with those girls in cherry red laces,
With snow white bows, and soft pretty faces,
And I’ll swear to you over and over again,
Than I can’t possibly be any different than them.

They desire a mate that’s strong not lame,
And to some extent, I swear I’m the same,
They prepare and train and work all their lives,
In order to gain a man that provides.

If I set my standards to a scale of ten,
Manners would appear again and again,
I would not stand for ill manner or rudeness, besides,
A girl only wishes her man would provide.

I’ve picked out his duties, his jobs and more,
I will need him able, to complete the chores,
He must be obedient and provide patient features,
And if he were docile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

For the best results, I guess I must lead,
But it will be quite easy indeed,
He’ll learn when to shut his mouth to survive,
I want nothing more than a man who provides.

So don’t you see? It’s not much that I ask.
I believe I’ve requested the simplest task,
These submissive men are in large supply,
It is easy to find man that provides.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

This poem was inspired in part by my own experiences of hearing what was desired around me and thinking that I wanted the same thing. And of course, I could say that I want a man that provides just like the other women but, I never really did want what they want. My ideal man provided different things than theirs did. I think a lot of women are like this. They are holding back and trying to fit their wants and their needs into the empty spaces of societies puzzle, but sooner or later they will find that it doesn’t work.

And when that day comes, it will all make sense.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bring Me a Chair! (an erotic story)

chairThere was something about the way she said those words that made his heart, his head, and everything between his legs lurch with excitement. Their relationship was a pretty normal one. Miss made most of their decisions since they have been living together, but other than that they behaved just like any other couple. They laughed, they cried, the fought, they made love. But the four words that he practically lived to hear came only once in a while.

Miss had had a bad week. He could tell. He had tried to stay out of her way to avoid her temper until she calmed down but it seems that she would not be calming down by herself. Her lovely brown eyes scrunched slightly as she looked over at him. She had a towel wrapped around her body as she stepped out of the bathroom and she let it fall to the floor at her feet. Matt didn’t try to hide his lust as he looked over her supple frame. He was lost in the smooth brown of her skin that hugged every luscious curve of her body. Her hair was wet and it was curling up around her face. His breathing was heavy and he could feel his pale face flushing deep red. He wanted to go up to her and take her in his arms and kiss every inch of her body. He wanted to take her, but his body was not under his own power. It was under hers. And her gaze told him not to move.

So he stood there, waiting, hoping and wishing that she would say his favorite words. Those words that he loved to hear. His gaze lingered at her mouth, and for a minute, he thought he saw a smile.

Then she parted her sweet lips. “Bring me a chair”. He knew better than to hesitate. He went straight to the corner of their bed room where there sat a dark brown wood chair with a red velvet covered seat cushion. He careful lifted the chair and sat it next to where she stood.

His hands were almost shaking with nervousness. He never knew what to expect when she said those words. Images of what had occurred in the past in that chair were like a blur in his mind. He remembered kneeling in front if the chair pleasuring her, and he remembered Miss sitting in the chair as he lay over her lap receiving punishment. A lot of times, she had him stand behind the chair and bend over it. She seemed to like that position. But perhaps he liked it more.

He always felt ashamed of liking the things that happened in that position, but he had a feeling that she already knew that. He loved how well Miss could read him. And he loved that chair because it meant quality time with her. He loved those words. But he loved her next words even more.

“Strip and kneel!”…

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.

When You do Something Different…

tumblr_lvp9cchgoe1r0t12to1_500When you do something different, It effects more than just you.

When you do display feminine confidence, you are automatically an icon; a pure treasure.

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When you wear something different, you are setting an example. 

So whatever you wear, make sure that it looks good; but more importantly, make sure that you wear it confidently.

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Don’t be embarrassed to carry yourself like this.

Be the feminine example that in needed in this world. 

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Don’t hesitate to demand this,

Be an educator to the onlookers.

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Don’t be afraid to desire this,

Challenge other men to experience submission for themselves.

To be different can be unnerving. You should expect the pressure.

Don’t be afraid to be different.

Just make sure you do it right.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

Tell Me About Your Dominant Side

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

I once spoke with a friend who wanted to know why I didn’t have the desire to submit in a relationship; After a brief explanation, the next request was ‘Tell me about your dominant side’.

The assumption here was that my dominance was a side, or an option, something that I needed to tap into whenever I had need of it. It never occurred to me that it could be a side. For me, It was never a side. It was my core, and it was hidden behind societal values until I realized that I could let it out. This is different than if it had been like a coin. I would be capable of flipping it from side to side whenever I felt like it, but one side of a coin can only consist of half the coin. The other half must always have its share.

The dominance coin may be useful to some women, who are uncomfortable with being dominant. With this concept, they are able to turn off their dominance and ‘fit in’ to the stencils that they have been raised with. 

But I bet, the stencils bring pain, and I bet conformity is a miserable peace. 

It is certainly something that I am no longer willing or able to do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that a dominant woman is totally dominant all the time. It is impossible. As a citizen of any country, a dominant woman abides by the laws, and perhaps even as a daughter, a dominant woman may behave less dominantly in the presence of her mother out of respect. A dominant woman will not resist submission in stewardship to what she holds valuable, But a dominant woman will NOT take a submissive role in order to gain friends or make those around her more comfortable. 

So my dear friends, I can not tell you about my dominant side, because it is not a side. It is a life style, it is a personality, it is a thought frame. It doesn’t turn off, or go away. It is not curable or a result of a bad child hood.

It is natural and it is me. And I LOVE me!

–Miss Ari ^_^

I’m Taking You With Me

Will you follow, or are you too afraid?

Will you follow, or are you too afraid?

You’ve made a terrible mistake, My darling.

For being so good at these things that I ask of you. For knowing me so well after only a few short months. It was a terribly wonderful mistake because now I’m taking taking you with me.

It is not a question, My dear man,

but if it were, I know your answer would be “Yes, Miss!”, so it is actually better for me to simply tell you that I am taking you with me.

I am going to so many wonderful places,

Some I may just visit and some I may stay a while, but each one will be grand. I am going to the end of the earth and (perhaps) back. And you don’t have to say anything, My sweet, for I know that you will follow me all the way. And that is why I’m taking you with me.

I am so happy to see how confused you are now.

We will count the days together until you finally see the glory of what I have allowed of you, treasured slave. What I have allowed now that I’m taking you with me.

Don’t worry about your inexperience, though. I already know of it and I am willing to teach you when I take you with me.

Don’t worry of the key to your new silver collar, My beloved. We will mot need it now that I have decided that I’m taking you with me.

Don’t worry of what others will think, My pet, none of their opinions will matter anymore when we get started.

And don’t worry that I will become bored of you, My pet.

I have bought fair for an endless journey seated left of my desires and right of my passions.

And aren’t you so glad that I’m taking you with me?

–Miss Ari ^_^

I have no Interest in Being a Dominatrix

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

It is just something that will never appeal to me for various reasons. But since, there are still some people that don’t understand, Let me breifly explain.
First of all, it’s not real. It’s decidedly fake and dishonorable in my opinion. It in no way involves the connection of a woman dominating a man, because it is the man who initiates it and tells the woman what he wants and he pays her for it. This is not domination; this is an act. It is a false representation of what a real Dominant/submissive relationship is like. You cannot buy domination, because if the submissive is purchasing it, then they are the one in control.

The next reason that I will never be a dominatrix is because I would not stand for that type of treatment. The “bottoms” that think they can buy domination, will come with a list of things they want done to them, and I would be unable to bring myself to preform scenes that I am uninterested in.

Number three is a common occurrence in the BDSM community. A number of men that go to a dominatrix, go to be abused. To them, it is more about the pain than the submission, they don’t expect to have to make an actual commitment or be loyal as a submissive should be. All that they are after is a session to fuel their fantasies. As a dominant woman, I would have a problem with having subs that don’t feel the need to actually be mine.

Lastly, It would simply take up too much of my time and effort that could be better used somewhere else, or on my own personal submissive. To me it would certainly not be worth the money and I certainly would not want to condone sch a practice.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Q & A: Why Can’t I Find a Submissive?

This world is so new to you, isn't it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby. Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

This world is so new to you, isn’t it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby.
Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

Anonymous: Why can’t I find a submissive?

I don’t know. Where have you been looking? You say that you’ve looked everywhere; on every BDSM, FemDom, and female led relationship dating site available. You’ve been to every munch, every “play dungeon”, and every meet up that didn’t interfere with your schedule. But the men are all wrong, aren’t they? They never fit your needs, do they?

I feel like banging my head against a wall whenever I hear a woman critique a mans “submissiveness”. It always goes one of two ways. 1) This man isn’t even submissive because he doesn’t know how to cook/address a dominant/massage feet/kneel perfectly. Or 2) That submissive isn’t right for me because he only knows how to massage the way his last domme taught him.

If you are this person, no one will ever be right for you. Men will always be too submissive/not submissive enough by your standards because you’ve missed a crucial peice of information when you read that BDSM story.

Submissive men are not mind readers; they’re just not. The inexperienced college grad will not know anything more about you than the experienced slave. And no matter how much you want things to instantly be your way, it will take either a little bit of effort on your part, or a lot of time on his part in order for him to anticipate the way you like things.

So why can’t you find a submissive? 

Your definition is wrong. A true submissive man isn’t a man that likes exactly what you like. A true submissive man is a man that likes to learn exactly what you like. And the truth is: the only way he is going to learn, is if you teach.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Romantic Domme

"Oh, my dear slave, of course I know that it is your birthday. I got you a 'gift', and it's bitter sweet, just the way I know you like it. What's that dear? Why, yes, Mistress knows that you love her."

“Oh, my dear slave, of course I know that it is your birthday. I got you a ‘gift’, and it’s bitter sweet, just the way I know you like it.”
“What’s that dear? Why, yes, Mistress knows that you love her.”

A while ago, I wrote a post called what kind of Domme are you? Humorously enough, as a result of this post, I got asked the question, “What kind of Domme are you?”

I am not a complicated type of person, but I am complex. I like what I want, when I want it and one of the things that I want a lot is romance.

In my mind, the romantic type of Domme is the type of Domme that craves a connection between her and her submissive. Emotion and mood are large factors in her ideal type of ‘play’. She wants to see her submissive react to what she does to him.

This type of Dominant Woman is unlikely to want a mindless slave who has no boundaries and no feelings toward the events or progress of the relationship. She wants to see that he has fears that he overcomes for her; she wants to see that he has opinions that are influenced by her; and she wants to see that he has a heart that is captivated by her slightest touch.

The Romantic Domme likes to spend time with her submissive. She would sooner have him sleep curled at her feet, than in a cage in the corner. This type of woman likes for him to learn her likes and dislikes so that he can know how to please her at any moment in time. 

The romantic Domme also behaves more possessively and likes to show off her submissive. She likes to go out to dinner, or walk in the park, or take him with her when she goes shoe shopping. 

To the romantic Domme, time spent together is more important than what is engraved on her new paddle–or on any toy, for that matter. Because it’s not about the toys (torturous or not), its about the beauty that is found within the scene, and the passion that manifests in this ‘abnormal’ relationship.

Yes, I know that this post now sounds a bit cheezy, but to a Romantic Domme, Its about the romance.

–Miss Ari ^_^

When the rose colored glasses come off…

paintignWe spend our entire lives learning what is “ugly”; letting others tell us what is taboo, what is strange, what is bad, and what is just plain wrong. We learn to develop a set of rose colored glasses to make all of the bad things look ‘normal’. We learn to hide from certain things, and the worst part is that we don’t even know why we do this, we only know that if we are not afraid of what everyone else is afraid of, then we are not human.

It is tempting to take the easy route, and even the bravest of us all, wears the rose colored glasses sometimes. But what happens when they don’t? What happens when the rose colored glasses come off?

When the rose colored glasses come off we see the world in a raw form. At first all we will see is the disgust and shame of abnormality, but only because that is what we have been told that we will see. We will question every statement that we hear and we will think of a million reasons that what we see is wrong, but excuses will only get us so far. Once you run out of reasons why it is wrong to express yourself in submission to a woman you adore, you begin to think of reasons why it feels so right. You let it marinate in your mind and you let it settle in your heart.

You will begin to realize the certain things about the world that you can see evidence of even with the rose colored glasses on. Some people hate themselves for it, and some people hate the others around them for not being able to see it too. But no matter how you feel, you won’t be able to truthfully deny that the ugly images that have now engraved themselves in your mind and the deviant ways of your heart feel more right than anything you have ever felt.

When the rose colored glasses come off, you will find diamonds among the rubble and you can’t deny that some of the things that are said to be wrong, are just so damn beautiful.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bad Advice pt 2: Domme Attitude

Being a 'Domme" does not mean that I stop being ME.

Being a ‘Domme” does not mean that I stop being ME.

Pressure is all around us; the pressure to have a ‘good’ job, the pressure to have ‘good’ relationships, the pressure to look ‘good’ weighs heavily on our shoulders in modern day society. And sometimes, it feels like women getting into FemDom, are jumping out of one pool of social pressure and right into another one.

I’ve seen this happen a lot to women that don’t understand FemDom, because they believe that in order to be the dominant partner in a relationship, they need to have a certain attitude. In modern society, a woman who takes charge is sometimes called bossy, controlling, or even ‘bitchy’. Most woman correlate having this attitude with being a dominant woman and they will believe that they cannot be dominant without being mean.

This is the thought frame especially with women that are introduced to FemDom by their partners. When their partner says that he wants her to dominate him, she hears that he wants her to be brutal and cruel to him. This is sometimes what the man wants, but most of the time, it is not what he means. The problem is, most women are unable to imagine being dominant and keeping their same personality, but it is possible.

It is possible to behave like you normally behave and only be controlling in time frames that you know you can handle. And it is also possible to not really change at all. This post will be a contrast to all of the bad advice out there and it will be prof that you can keep your same personality and be dominant.

Your personality might be sweet.lolita couple

That’s completely okay! Don’t be mean just because you think that it is what you are supposed to do. You can be sweet and kind to everyone around you. You can also be firm with your instruction and feminine while putting him in his place where he so desperately wants to be.

You may be the quiet type.malaysian_fashion

That’s fine too. I’ve seen so many women try and pretend to be obnoxious and bossy because that is what they think it means to be dominant. And for so many, this is just not their personality. 

When you pretend to be something you are not, it makes you hate your self, it makes you feel as if the only way you can fulfill your desires is to turn into something that you do not want to be. Being dominant does not have as many rules as you may think. 

You should be a bit more demanding, but whether that means that you are loud and obnoxious or quiet and seductive is your choice. You should take control of your relationship, but whether that makes you mean and ‘bitchy’ or sweet and confident is also your choice.

It’s always your choice. You are the dominant one after all.

–Miss Ari ^_^

It’s the Little Things

Keep up the good work and I just might have to have you do my toes too!

Keep up the good work and I just might have to have you do my toes too!

It’s not always the large performances of submission that prove his devotion. Most of the time, it’s just the little things. Some days are exciting and filled with all types of “play”, and some days are not. On lazy days, sometimes the only thing that I want to do is have him sit at my feet as we watch a movie together and there is nothing wrong with that at all. 

A good submissive man should have a desire to learn new things. A good dominant woman is able to give clear instruction to help her man learn the new activities that he will have to preform for her.

Painting nails, massages, courtship manners, cooking, cleaning, and sexually pleasing are some of the things that a submissive man will likely be taught.

Of course, the little things are still inferior to the large feats of dedication, but in the beginning of a FemDom relationship, the little things are a big deal (at least to him).

The little acts of submission must be nurtured like seeds so that they bloom later on in the relationship. When a polite act is not met with a positive or approving response from the woman, the man will likely not do this again. 

Women have such a wonderful position to be able to influence the relationship by showing the man what behavior she accepts and what behavior she does not. And yet  so many women do not understand why their men do not behave how they want them to. Perhaps they do not want their men to behave, perhaps they wish for something to complain about to their friends, or perhaps, they do not understand that it’s the little things.

–Miss Ari ^_^

If You Are a Dominant Woman, Then Why Are You Single?

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

I cannot even pretend that I was amused throughout this actual conversation that I had with a ‘friend’ of mine. Her point was simple; If being a dominant woman is so great, then why are you still single?

This is by far not the most ignorant thing that I have ever heard, but it is pretty damn close. This statement was probably the equivalent to,

“If America is so great, why aren’t you famous yet?”

Or,

“If you like eggs so much, why don’t you own a chicken farm?”

Knowing someones preferences does not give you the right to expect to see a certain behavior from them.

Just because I am dominant, does not mean that I will automatically never be alone. A dominant woman is still a woman, with feelings and flaws and preferences and any confident woman will think wisely about a relationship instead of behaving based on a desperate need to not be alone. 

My current single status does not make me a bad domme, just like a vanilla woman’s single status would not make her a lesbian.

In my case, I have recently moved. I am in a new environment with new people and I have decided that for now I will take my love life one day at a time and see where it takes me. It does not mean that I am unsure about being dominant and it certainty does not mean that I am questioning mu ability to fulfill my desires.

But setting aside my frustrations with my friend, i would like to point out that asking someone why they are single is rude no matter what their preferences are. 

These are all things that I wish I had said to my friend. Now that I think about it, the thing that I actually said was just fighting fire with fire. 

It went something like this: “Since you are so obviously intrigued by my dominant desires, then why aren’t you dominant yet?”

–Miss Ari ^_^

There’s No Turning Back

 

I remember when I didn’t know what FemDom meant. I remember back when the worlds way was the only way, and I was content to being drastically different. 

I also remember when I found out that there was a name to my desires and when I found out that there were other people with the same desires. 

I am a very passionate person by nature and whenever I am passionate about something , it leaks out. It shows in my behavior, and my attitude, and in my speech. And if there is ever a chance of turning back for me, it is in this stage. When the passion begins to build within me. All I need to do is suppress it enough–push it way down, deep within me. I should swipe it out of my mind, cover it up with the norm, snuff the fire of my passion.

But that stage of my passion has passed two years ago.

There’s nothing I ca do now. There is no turning back and nothing to turn back to. There is no way to stop my desire.

And the best part is, I don’t want to.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bad Advice Part 1: Corporal Punishment

"You've been such a good little submissive this past week. According to a blog I read, I am supposed to whip you anyway."

“You’ve been such a good little submissive this past week. According to a blog I read, I am supposed to whip you anyway.”

I like to think that it is alright to have a little bit of bad advice out there on the net; everyone likes to laugh. But, some things should not get by without being critiqued.

For this reason I have decided to start a series of posts that address the bad advice that I have found.

This week, I will be writing about some of the bad advice on corporal punishment.

First piece of bad advice: Punishment is essential in a FemDom relationship

Obviously it is a large part of this kind of life style, but I have heard so many people say that you can’t get by without it And I highly disagree. The entire basis of a FemDom relationship is that the woman makes decisions and if the woman does not feel like carrying out a scheduled lashing, then she should not have to feel pressured to do so.

2: It doesn’t work unless you…

I am sure you can think of a million ways to finish this sentence. Punishment doesn’t work unless you do it on a scheduled basis, unless you make him count the cane strokes, or unless you verbally abuse him while doing it. I’d just like to point out that ten paddles are ten paddles, whether your hands are tied behind your back or not.

3: You need the toys

Floggers, paddles, whips, canes, and riding crops are all fun to play with (if you are into it), but they are not necessary. Don’t let someone else’s ideas get into your head. If you think that the toys are unappealing, then you don’t have to use them.

4: It means you’re sadistic

There seems to be no middle ground on the internet. You are either a sweet innocent good girl, or an evil sadistic crime against nature. If you are sadistic, there is nothing wrong with that, provided you are with someone who enjoys your type of play. However, using the back of a hair brush on your lover, does not make you sadistic.

Contrary to what you will read in most BDSM stories, not every woman gets aroused during a punishment session, and not every woman needs to inflict pain in order to have a good time.

5: It means he is a masochist

I understand the reasoning for this one. Any man that would let a woman whip him has to be a masochist, right? Actually, it is not right. Men can get aroused simply by observing his woman’s arousal. If the woman is turned on, then sometimes so is he, and it has little to do with the physical pain. Or he may not like the punishment, but he loves the power that I have over him and he loves the fact that I was able to punish him if I wanted to. It’s not the pain that he loves, it was the passion.

I am sure there are many more myths and bad advice about punishment, but for now, I am done.

Feel free to make any bad advice post requests that you may have in the comments.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

Culture Blocks: Asian shy is not American shy

"Oh, Kinate, it makes me blush when your slave looks at me like that! Can I sit on his face?"

“Oh, Kinate, it makes me blush when your slave looks at me like that! Can I sit on his face?”

Asian stereotypes are funny; especially when they are so very wrong. The funniest stereotype that I have heard so far is that Asian women are submissive… What?

At first I assumed that this was simply a lie that got very far out of hand, but when you ask people their reason for this way of thinking, they will almost always explain something along the lines of Eastern Asian women are submissive because they have so many shy characteristics.

I was talking to a Caucasian friend of mine when I finally realized that this was simply a false correlation. Because in American culture, woman + shy = submissive.

In America, shy is “having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.” American shy is afraid to be in a leader position. American shy is docile and submissive to anyone who is more ‘outgoing’ than them. American shy is a bad thing, and there are even classes that you can take to get rid of shyness.

Asian shyness is not the same kind of shyness. We will use Japanese for an example of Asian shyness. In Japan, shy is not timid, shy is polite. Shy is being conservative in manner until you are more acquainted with the person. Shy is thinking about what you are going to say before you say it instead of rudely talking over other people in a conversation. Asian shy is not American shy.

A Japanese mans online dating profile may include that he is looking for a shy woman. He will say that shy women are more desirable because shy is a sign that the woman is very educated, sophisticated, and intelligent. This is not at all what an American man would mean if he said the same thing.

Now I am not saying that every Asian woman is not shy, because i do not now every Asian woman, but if i were doing the stereo typing, you would be surprised at what i would say.

First of all i would say that Asian women are dominant by tradition. I would proceed to explain a traditional set up of a Japanese marriage.

On the outside what you would see is that the man makes the most money in the household. But if you were ever able to see the inside of a Japanese marriage, you would see that the mans money goes into one bank account that the woman controls. The woman manages all of the finances and gives her husband an allowance to go out drinking with his friends after a hard day of work. The woman decides how the children are raised, where the children go to school and what they will study. The woman of the house control the household. It is humorously matriarchal in a country that is supposed to be a patriarchy.

Keep in mind that these women are all considered ‘shy’. It may resemble the type of shyness that we so despise here in America but it is not the same at all.

American shy is looked down upon and seen as submissive. Asian shy is classy and dominant.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Ten FemDom Uses for Pantyhose

Would you like to know what the air hostesses like to do when we go on break?

Would you like to know what the air hostesses like to do when we go on break?

I am a big fan of reversible jackets and purses (so convenient) and I am an even bigger fan of hosiery items. As a result I have decided to come up with a list of FemDom activities that can be done with the most versatile clothing item; a pair of pantyhose.

One: Gag

Can you think of anything hotter than a  woman taking off the pantyhose that she is wearing and shoving them into her lovers mouth to keep him quiet? Especially when they smell and taste like her.

Two: Blindfold

This one’s pretty self explanatory. Though, they may not work as well  as a scarf since they are sheer.

Three: Bondage

Pantyhose may seem flimsy but they are actually really hard to get out of. If you tie them right, the harder you pull on them, the tighter they get because of how elastic they behave.

Four: Mask

Humiliation play seems to be quite popular. If you wanted you could pull a pair of pantyhose over his head. But if you’re like me, you wont be able to look at his face without giggling ^_^

Five: Sensation play

The smooth feel of nylon is a large part of the hosiery fetish. they feel nice when you wear them like gloves and touch his…

Six: Foot Worship

Nylon makes even the most normal feet look exquisite and exotic. Who wouldn’t want to worship that?

Seven: Tease

Our Saturday mornings are fun. On one hand, my entire lower body is covered in fabric as i lounge on the couch. You do not get the pleasure  of seeing me nude. But on the other hand, the fabric is delightfully sheer. You can see just enough to drive you mad with lust.

Eight: Denial

Thigh highs and unders mean sex. Pantyhose mean I just want to play. Don’t you just love my nylon fetish?

Nine: Cock ring

Or temporary chastity; it depends on how you restrict. This seems like it would work fine but i have yet to try it for myself so don’t quote me on that one.

Ten: Feminization

I read somewhere that men in the US wear pantyhose, though i have never met any. I suppose this could be incorporated into feminization, you know, make him look pretty like a good little girl.

P.S.

Eleven: Leash

Yes, I know that I said ten things but as I was writing, I thought of this and I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten one of my favorite FemDom activities. So I added it on 🙂

(Disclaimer: This post was written as a conversation topic only. I do not recommend that you so these activities unless you know what you are doing, as they can cause injuries if done improperly.)

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Word About Erotic FemDom Stories

flickr domme heelsI can see the use for FemDom literature and I have written and read my fair share of Literotica or the BDSMLibrary, or what have you, but i always seem to see similar problems in these stories. (Warning: this post may be a bit of a rant)

Number one# There is little creativity

FemDom stories seem to come in limited types, black mail, spontaneous dream come true, I’ve read them all and I am getting a little bored.

Number two# The Dommes don’t ask this question

“Do you belong to anyone?” Just a little pet peeve that I have, and that I see a lot is when a Domme finds a submissive man and forces him into activities without first considering if he is someone else’s property. I don’t mind pushing to the front of the crowd but people tend to get upset when you have to step on their toes. This kind of thing in reality could cause a lot of social drama.

Number three# The women don’t have good reason

I guess this plays back into Number One. the creativity in this area is pitiful. A woman getting back at her cheating partner, a colleague she hates, or  something else of the sort. Very rarely do I read a story where the woman decides to dominate a man because she actually likes him.

Number four# There is no after care

A scene plays out, the woman dominates the man, and then just leaves him there lying on the ground or even still tied up. I’ve read many of these stories and I can’t say that I have enjoyed them. The women in these stories obviously don’t care that their “temporary slave” is also a person who, most likely, is completely mind blown by what just happened. I personally do not like the idea of casual BDSM but if I did participate in it, in real life, leaving a person in subspace can have fatal impacts on their psychological mind.

Number five# The man falls in love with someone he does not know

Just to piggy back off of the last one, in these stories the two (or sometimes more) people don’t know each other before they start a scene. For the submissive, the scene is emotional and the subspace that they experience can bring about an attachment to the woman who not only is basically a stranger, but also does not feel the same way. As a responsible Domme, you should be careful who you play with in order to prevent a Fatal Attraction.

These are only five of the things that I have found and i am sure that i’ll do a follow up post with more examples. It really bothers me, though, because it is all for entertainment and obviously most people know better, but for the people who don’t know better, or are just getting into BDSM, they might take these stories as realities. Accidents will happen and as an author, I would not want to be responsible.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.