Tell Me About Your Dominant Side

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

I once spoke with a friend who wanted to know why I didn’t have the desire to submit in a relationship; After a brief explanation, the next request was ‘Tell me about your dominant side’.

The assumption here was that my dominance was a side, or an option, something that I needed to tap into whenever I had need of it. It never occurred to me that it could be a side. For me, It was never a side. It was my core, and it was hidden behind societal values until I realized that I could let it out. This is different than if it had been like a coin. I would be capable of flipping it from side to side whenever I felt like it, but one side of a coin can only consist of half the coin. The other half must always have its share.

The dominance coin may be useful to some women, who are uncomfortable with being dominant. With this concept, they are able to turn off their dominance and ‘fit in’ to the stencils that they have been raised with. 

But I bet, the stencils bring pain, and I bet conformity is a miserable peace. 

It is certainly something that I am no longer willing or able to do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that a dominant woman is totally dominant all the time. It is impossible. As a citizen of any country, a dominant woman abides by the laws, and perhaps even as a daughter, a dominant woman may behave less dominantly in the presence of her mother out of respect. A dominant woman will not resist submission in stewardship to what she holds valuable, But a dominant woman will NOT take a submissive role in order to gain friends or make those around her more comfortable. 

So my dear friends, I can not tell you about my dominant side, because it is not a side. It is a life style, it is a personality, it is a thought frame. It doesn’t turn off, or go away. It is not curable or a result of a bad child hood.

It is natural and it is me. And I LOVE me!

–Miss Ari ^_^

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If You Are a Dominant Woman, Then Why Are You Single?

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

I cannot even pretend that I was amused throughout this actual conversation that I had with a ‘friend’ of mine. Her point was simple; If being a dominant woman is so great, then why are you still single?

This is by far not the most ignorant thing that I have ever heard, but it is pretty damn close. This statement was probably the equivalent to,

“If America is so great, why aren’t you famous yet?”

Or,

“If you like eggs so much, why don’t you own a chicken farm?”

Knowing someones preferences does not give you the right to expect to see a certain behavior from them.

Just because I am dominant, does not mean that I will automatically never be alone. A dominant woman is still a woman, with feelings and flaws and preferences and any confident woman will think wisely about a relationship instead of behaving based on a desperate need to not be alone. 

My current single status does not make me a bad domme, just like a vanilla woman’s single status would not make her a lesbian.

In my case, I have recently moved. I am in a new environment with new people and I have decided that for now I will take my love life one day at a time and see where it takes me. It does not mean that I am unsure about being dominant and it certainty does not mean that I am questioning mu ability to fulfill my desires.

But setting aside my frustrations with my friend, i would like to point out that asking someone why they are single is rude no matter what their preferences are. 

These are all things that I wish I had said to my friend. Now that I think about it, the thing that I actually said was just fighting fire with fire. 

It went something like this: “Since you are so obviously intrigued by my dominant desires, then why aren’t you dominant yet?”

–Miss Ari ^_^