When You do Something Different…

tumblr_lvp9cchgoe1r0t12to1_500When you do something different, It effects more than just you.

When you do display feminine confidence, you are automatically an icon; a pure treasure.

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When you wear something different, you are setting an example. 

So whatever you wear, make sure that it looks good; but more importantly, make sure that you wear it confidently.

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Don’t be embarrassed to carry yourself like this.

Be the feminine example that in needed in this world. 

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Don’t hesitate to demand this,

Be an educator to the onlookers.

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Don’t be afraid to desire this,

Challenge other men to experience submission for themselves.

To be different can be unnerving. You should expect the pressure.

Don’t be afraid to be different.

Just make sure you do it right.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

Tell Me About Your Dominant Side

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

If I kept my dreams a secret, I would surely explode, for, my dreams are often larger than I can bare!

I once spoke with a friend who wanted to know why I didn’t have the desire to submit in a relationship; After a brief explanation, the next request was ‘Tell me about your dominant side’.

The assumption here was that my dominance was a side, or an option, something that I needed to tap into whenever I had need of it. It never occurred to me that it could be a side. For me, It was never a side. It was my core, and it was hidden behind societal values until I realized that I could let it out. This is different than if it had been like a coin. I would be capable of flipping it from side to side whenever I felt like it, but one side of a coin can only consist of half the coin. The other half must always have its share.

The dominance coin may be useful to some women, who are uncomfortable with being dominant. With this concept, they are able to turn off their dominance and ‘fit in’ to the stencils that they have been raised with. 

But I bet, the stencils bring pain, and I bet conformity is a miserable peace. 

It is certainly something that I am no longer willing or able to do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that a dominant woman is totally dominant all the time. It is impossible. As a citizen of any country, a dominant woman abides by the laws, and perhaps even as a daughter, a dominant woman may behave less dominantly in the presence of her mother out of respect. A dominant woman will not resist submission in stewardship to what she holds valuable, But a dominant woman will NOT take a submissive role in order to gain friends or make those around her more comfortable. 

So my dear friends, I can not tell you about my dominant side, because it is not a side. It is a life style, it is a personality, it is a thought frame. It doesn’t turn off, or go away. It is not curable or a result of a bad child hood.

It is natural and it is me. And I LOVE me!

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bad Advice pt 2: Domme Attitude

Being a 'Domme" does not mean that I stop being ME.

Being a ‘Domme” does not mean that I stop being ME.

Pressure is all around us; the pressure to have a ‘good’ job, the pressure to have ‘good’ relationships, the pressure to look ‘good’ weighs heavily on our shoulders in modern day society. And sometimes, it feels like women getting into FemDom, are jumping out of one pool of social pressure and right into another one.

I’ve seen this happen a lot to women that don’t understand FemDom, because they believe that in order to be the dominant partner in a relationship, they need to have a certain attitude. In modern society, a woman who takes charge is sometimes called bossy, controlling, or even ‘bitchy’. Most woman correlate having this attitude with being a dominant woman and they will believe that they cannot be dominant without being mean.

This is the thought frame especially with women that are introduced to FemDom by their partners. When their partner says that he wants her to dominate him, she hears that he wants her to be brutal and cruel to him. This is sometimes what the man wants, but most of the time, it is not what he means. The problem is, most women are unable to imagine being dominant and keeping their same personality, but it is possible.

It is possible to behave like you normally behave and only be controlling in time frames that you know you can handle. And it is also possible to not really change at all. This post will be a contrast to all of the bad advice out there and it will be prof that you can keep your same personality and be dominant.

Your personality might be sweet.lolita couple

That’s completely okay! Don’t be mean just because you think that it is what you are supposed to do. You can be sweet and kind to everyone around you. You can also be firm with your instruction and feminine while putting him in his place where he so desperately wants to be.

You may be the quiet type.malaysian_fashion

That’s fine too. I’ve seen so many women try and pretend to be obnoxious and bossy because that is what they think it means to be dominant. And for so many, this is just not their personality. 

When you pretend to be something you are not, it makes you hate your self, it makes you feel as if the only way you can fulfill your desires is to turn into something that you do not want to be. Being dominant does not have as many rules as you may think. 

You should be a bit more demanding, but whether that means that you are loud and obnoxious or quiet and seductive is your choice. You should take control of your relationship, but whether that makes you mean and ‘bitchy’ or sweet and confident is also your choice.

It’s always your choice. You are the dominant one after all.

–Miss Ari ^_^