Black and White ~ 1

22115f0a5aec6769d57e71c4cfd776d8 I know I haven’t been here lately. I’ve been over here a lot. But I’m not gone! And, in an attempt to get back on a schedule, I’ll be posting a black and white FemDom photo about every Friday accompanied by my comments or perhaps a poem. There’s something just so alluring about a black and white photo especially one as powerful as this. Beautiful legs just perfect for hosiery and an obedient boy at her feet, right where he belongs.

–Miss Ari ^_^

What Kind of Sexy?

"Compared to others, I make sexy appear effortless. But in truth, everyone else is trying too hard anyway."

“Compared to others, I make sexy appear effortless. But in truth, everyone else is trying too hard anyway.”

In most western societies, young girls are taught that a good girl does not “act sexy”. This seems as if it would be a simple enough concept but things were still a tad confusing for me.

I am sure that I was not alone in wondering why “looking sexy” was so important when you were not allowed to act it. Upon questioning my mother about the topic she laughed softly and said. “Real women don’t act sexy. They ARE sexy.” (My mother was notorious for not explaining what she meant).

Now I was thoroughly confused. Not only was society giving me a double standard, but the person that I went to on order to clear things up, did not use the terminology the same way as mass media did. However, it took a few years before I was able to realize this.

What MaMa was saying, was that sexy is a product of mind frame and behavior. When a woman ACTS in a self loving and confident manner, then she IS sexy. When she has knowledge of how her body effects men, and can still ACT conservative or respectfully, then she IS sexy. This type of sexy is based on respect that can be acquired when a woman can behave a certain way along with her physically attractive features.

Now armed with a conclusion of what she meant, I came to the realization that the “popular sexy” attempted to skip the things that come before sexy. In this way, sexy means being promiscuous and dressing to reveal as much as possible.

Most women, if critiqued, will argue that this second kind of sexy is the only way to get a mans attention. (I always find it humorous when people argue my point for me.)

You see, the second kind of sexy may attract a mans attention, but that is all that it will attract. It will not attract his respect, admiration, or desire to please you. It will only attract a fleeting infatuation that will leave you in the same position that you began with.

It is acceptable to feel that you are sexy, and know that you are sexy, and even to act sexy. In simply depends on what kind of sexy.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Man That Provides (A Poem)

tumblr_mhkc4j8x0s1rgsoq1o1_400I grew up with those girls in cherry red laces,
With snow white bows, and soft pretty faces,
And I’ll swear to you over and over again,
Than I can’t possibly be any different than them.

They desire a mate that’s strong not lame,
And to some extent, I swear I’m the same,
They prepare and train and work all their lives,
In order to gain a man that provides.

If I set my standards to a scale of ten,
Manners would appear again and again,
I would not stand for ill manner or rudeness, besides,
A girl only wishes her man would provide.

I’ve picked out his duties, his jobs and more,
I will need him able, to complete the chores,
He must be obedient and provide patient features,
And if he were docile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

For the best results, I guess I must lead,
But it will be quite easy indeed,
He’ll learn when to shut his mouth to survive,
I want nothing more than a man who provides.

So don’t you see? It’s not much that I ask.
I believe I’ve requested the simplest task,
These submissive men are in large supply,
It is easy to find man that provides.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

This poem was inspired in part by my own experiences of hearing what was desired around me and thinking that I wanted the same thing. And of course, I could say that I want a man that provides just like the other women but, I never really did want what they want. My ideal man provided different things than theirs did. I think a lot of women are like this. They are holding back and trying to fit their wants and their needs into the empty spaces of societies puzzle, but sooner or later they will find that it doesn’t work.

And when that day comes, it will all make sense.

–Miss Ari ^_^

When You do Something Different…

tumblr_lvp9cchgoe1r0t12to1_500When you do something different, It effects more than just you.

When you do display feminine confidence, you are automatically an icon; a pure treasure.

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When you wear something different, you are setting an example. 

So whatever you wear, make sure that it looks good; but more importantly, make sure that you wear it confidently.

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Don’t be embarrassed to carry yourself like this.

Be the feminine example that in needed in this world. 

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Don’t hesitate to demand this,

Be an educator to the onlookers.

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Don’t be afraid to desire this,

Challenge other men to experience submission for themselves.

To be different can be unnerving. You should expect the pressure.

Don’t be afraid to be different.

Just make sure you do it right.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

Drawing lines: Dom/sub versus Sadist/masochist

ripped hosieryDrawing lines seems to a popular obsession in contemporary society. We must be black or white, religious or not, happy or sad, the list goes on. 

But as popular as it is, it is not easy. Drawing lines takes way more effort than some of us are willing to give. Drawing lines can lead to conflict where there should be peace. And the worst part is that it carries over into the most intimate parts of our lives, especially our sexuality.

Looking specifically at the concepts of Dominant submissive relationship, it is easy to assume where to add in different “kinks” and it seems that a lot of people like to add sadomasochistic relationships into the mix. I can see how this makes sense. FemDom brings about a powerful power exchange that sometimes factors pain into the pleasure, right? Well, here is where we go wrong, because right about now we begin trying to draw the lines.

FemDom is hard for a lot of women to get into because about the third concern is, “but I ‘like it rough’.” Now, the line is drawn here, where we believe that ‘liking it rough’ makes you sadistic (or at least lean towards the sadistic side). A terrible line to draw, really, because it can get into a dominant woman’s head and make her second guess her dominance because she likes for him to nibble her neck. 

This is also an issue for submissive men, who like to line draw. Sometimes men instinctively show their passion with firm embraces or “rough housing” of the like, but this is not always a sadistic impulse. And line drawing is dangerous here, because it can create cognitive dissonance in “slaves” who will begin to feel terrible that their needs aren’t submissive like they thought they were.

Sadism should not be tied to a specific relationship role, as it often is. Instead, wants should be assigned to each person on their own terms. They should be thought through and decided without the influence of the many social lines. And instead of focusing on how much sense it makes, for the one with the whip to be the sadist, we could simply focus on matching needs.

Matching the Dominant woman that demands to have a few scratch marks of her own, with the submissive man who would be honored to give them to her. Not because of any expectations, or doubts, or lines. But because it is mutually fulfilling.

–Miss Ari ^_^

If You Are a Dominant Woman, Then Why Are You Single?

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

I cannot even pretend that I was amused throughout this actual conversation that I had with a ‘friend’ of mine. Her point was simple; If being a dominant woman is so great, then why are you still single?

This is by far not the most ignorant thing that I have ever heard, but it is pretty damn close. This statement was probably the equivalent to,

“If America is so great, why aren’t you famous yet?”

Or,

“If you like eggs so much, why don’t you own a chicken farm?”

Knowing someones preferences does not give you the right to expect to see a certain behavior from them.

Just because I am dominant, does not mean that I will automatically never be alone. A dominant woman is still a woman, with feelings and flaws and preferences and any confident woman will think wisely about a relationship instead of behaving based on a desperate need to not be alone. 

My current single status does not make me a bad domme, just like a vanilla woman’s single status would not make her a lesbian.

In my case, I have recently moved. I am in a new environment with new people and I have decided that for now I will take my love life one day at a time and see where it takes me. It does not mean that I am unsure about being dominant and it certainty does not mean that I am questioning mu ability to fulfill my desires.

But setting aside my frustrations with my friend, i would like to point out that asking someone why they are single is rude no matter what their preferences are. 

These are all things that I wish I had said to my friend. Now that I think about it, the thing that I actually said was just fighting fire with fire. 

It went something like this: “Since you are so obviously intrigued by my dominant desires, then why aren’t you dominant yet?”

–Miss Ari ^_^

There’s No Turning Back

 

I remember when I didn’t know what FemDom meant. I remember back when the worlds way was the only way, and I was content to being drastically different. 

I also remember when I found out that there was a name to my desires and when I found out that there were other people with the same desires. 

I am a very passionate person by nature and whenever I am passionate about something , it leaks out. It shows in my behavior, and my attitude, and in my speech. And if there is ever a chance of turning back for me, it is in this stage. When the passion begins to build within me. All I need to do is suppress it enough–push it way down, deep within me. I should swipe it out of my mind, cover it up with the norm, snuff the fire of my passion.

But that stage of my passion has passed two years ago.

There’s nothing I ca do now. There is no turning back and nothing to turn back to. There is no way to stop my desire.

And the best part is, I don’t want to.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bad Advice Part 1: Corporal Punishment

"You've been such a good little submissive this past week. According to a blog I read, I am supposed to whip you anyway."

“You’ve been such a good little submissive this past week. According to a blog I read, I am supposed to whip you anyway.”

I like to think that it is alright to have a little bit of bad advice out there on the net; everyone likes to laugh. But, some things should not get by without being critiqued.

For this reason I have decided to start a series of posts that address the bad advice that I have found.

This week, I will be writing about some of the bad advice on corporal punishment.

First piece of bad advice: Punishment is essential in a FemDom relationship

Obviously it is a large part of this kind of life style, but I have heard so many people say that you can’t get by without it And I highly disagree. The entire basis of a FemDom relationship is that the woman makes decisions and if the woman does not feel like carrying out a scheduled lashing, then she should not have to feel pressured to do so.

2: It doesn’t work unless you…

I am sure you can think of a million ways to finish this sentence. Punishment doesn’t work unless you do it on a scheduled basis, unless you make him count the cane strokes, or unless you verbally abuse him while doing it. I’d just like to point out that ten paddles are ten paddles, whether your hands are tied behind your back or not.

3: You need the toys

Floggers, paddles, whips, canes, and riding crops are all fun to play with (if you are into it), but they are not necessary. Don’t let someone else’s ideas get into your head. If you think that the toys are unappealing, then you don’t have to use them.

4: It means you’re sadistic

There seems to be no middle ground on the internet. You are either a sweet innocent good girl, or an evil sadistic crime against nature. If you are sadistic, there is nothing wrong with that, provided you are with someone who enjoys your type of play. However, using the back of a hair brush on your lover, does not make you sadistic.

Contrary to what you will read in most BDSM stories, not every woman gets aroused during a punishment session, and not every woman needs to inflict pain in order to have a good time.

5: It means he is a masochist

I understand the reasoning for this one. Any man that would let a woman whip him has to be a masochist, right? Actually, it is not right. Men can get aroused simply by observing his woman’s arousal. If the woman is turned on, then sometimes so is he, and it has little to do with the physical pain. Or he may not like the punishment, but he loves the power that I have over him and he loves the fact that I was able to punish him if I wanted to. It’s not the pain that he loves, it was the passion.

I am sure there are many more myths and bad advice about punishment, but for now, I am done.

Feel free to make any bad advice post requests that you may have in the comments.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

Culture Blocks: Asian shy is not American shy

"Oh, Kinate, it makes me blush when your slave looks at me like that! Can I sit on his face?"

“Oh, Kinate, it makes me blush when your slave looks at me like that! Can I sit on his face?”

Asian stereotypes are funny; especially when they are so very wrong. The funniest stereotype that I have heard so far is that Asian women are submissive… What?

At first I assumed that this was simply a lie that got very far out of hand, but when you ask people their reason for this way of thinking, they will almost always explain something along the lines of Eastern Asian women are submissive because they have so many shy characteristics.

I was talking to a Caucasian friend of mine when I finally realized that this was simply a false correlation. Because in American culture, woman + shy = submissive.

In America, shy is “having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.” American shy is afraid to be in a leader position. American shy is docile and submissive to anyone who is more ‘outgoing’ than them. American shy is a bad thing, and there are even classes that you can take to get rid of shyness.

Asian shyness is not the same kind of shyness. We will use Japanese for an example of Asian shyness. In Japan, shy is not timid, shy is polite. Shy is being conservative in manner until you are more acquainted with the person. Shy is thinking about what you are going to say before you say it instead of rudely talking over other people in a conversation. Asian shy is not American shy.

A Japanese mans online dating profile may include that he is looking for a shy woman. He will say that shy women are more desirable because shy is a sign that the woman is very educated, sophisticated, and intelligent. This is not at all what an American man would mean if he said the same thing.

Now I am not saying that every Asian woman is not shy, because i do not now every Asian woman, but if i were doing the stereo typing, you would be surprised at what i would say.

First of all i would say that Asian women are dominant by tradition. I would proceed to explain a traditional set up of a Japanese marriage.

On the outside what you would see is that the man makes the most money in the household. But if you were ever able to see the inside of a Japanese marriage, you would see that the mans money goes into one bank account that the woman controls. The woman manages all of the finances and gives her husband an allowance to go out drinking with his friends after a hard day of work. The woman decides how the children are raised, where the children go to school and what they will study. The woman of the house control the household. It is humorously matriarchal in a country that is supposed to be a patriarchy.

Keep in mind that these women are all considered ‘shy’. It may resemble the type of shyness that we so despise here in America but it is not the same at all.

American shy is looked down upon and seen as submissive. Asian shy is classy and dominant.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Can We Just Talk?

"Now that you are completely nude, you may come sit at my feet. But don't be nervous, Honey, we will only talk at first."

“Now that you are completely nude, you may come sit at my feet. But don’t be nervous, Honey, we will only talk at first.”

It is hard to find people that just like to talk. If you talk about sex to a parent, they begin to think that you are sexually active; If you talk about sex to a partner, they begin to think that you want to be sexually active; If you talk about sex to the person sitting next to you on the bullet train, they begin to think you have some form of mental disease and they run away screaming.

I guess it’s just another thing that I don’t understand. Why are people so self conscious about sexuality? Why can’t we just talk?

I think FemDom fixes this a little bit. I have no clue who decided that women were not supposed to think that they are sexy, but every woman in a female led relationship (that I’ve met) don’t think this way. Women are sensual creatures. They can be sexy, hypnotizing, enticing, and frightening all at the same time. And with FemDom, it is not taboo, it’s beautiful. It’s natural.

The first kind of training that I like to do is something I call honesty training. (More on that later :p). This is basically breaking down the barrier of conversation. I want to know all of his fantasies, his fears, all of his experiences, all of his hatreds, and his loves. I want to know so that he can witness me accepting him.

But even people who want to talk sometimes aren’t exactly the best conversationalists. Some of the dominant women that I talk to so deeply believe in their way of doing things that they won’t listen or even consider another’s opinion. it’s terrible thing. Because everyone has something worth listening to.

What if we spoke about our sexual preferences as if it was some other topic, such as the weather? What if we discussed bondage like it was one of Sigmund Freud’s theories? What if you walked into a bar and the men sitting on the stools were discussing their hosiery fetish? (I’m just a dreamer, I guess).

I haven’t found someone decent to talk to yet, but i’ll never stop looking for someone that will know what I mean when I ask, Can We Just Talk?

–Miss Ari ^_^

What am I supposed to be insecure about again?

"Don't forget your daily self criticism!"

“Don’t forget your daily self criticism!”

I think the media is doing this to me on purpose. How am I supposed to keep up with all of the aspects that I am supposed to be insecure about? Today it’s hair. Tomorrow it’s shoes. And the next day it’s the shape of my nose.

I can’t even get angry with people who tell me that I should put myself down because I don’t look a certain way. It is exhausting to play that game everyday and I haven’t played it in years. Every time I stand in the mirror I look at myself and I am glad that I do not look just like the girl on the tele. If I was her, I would have to act like she does and get treated like she does. As long as I am me, I am allowed to live by my own rules. I can wear what ever I think makes me look like I deserve respect.

I can dress like I belong in my world not yours. I can lounge around wearing nothing but pantyhose (something I do almost every day) even if there is no one there to see me<^_^>. And I don’t have to mind if you think that I am crazy, because I don’t play that game anymore. I don’t play by your rules.

Similarly, you do not have to play by my rules. You may do things that make me not want to respect you or that make me wish I could influence you in my direction. But at the end of it all, you are allowed to play by your own rules and I respect you for that. All I ask in return is that you respect me back.

–Miss Ari ^_^