Black and White ~ 1

22115f0a5aec6769d57e71c4cfd776d8 I know I haven’t been here lately. I’ve been over here a lot. But I’m not gone! And, in an attempt to get back on a schedule, I’ll be posting a black and white FemDom photo about every Friday accompanied by my comments or perhaps a poem. There’s something just so alluring about a black and white photo especially one as powerful as this. Beautiful legs just perfect for hosiery and an obedient boy at her feet, right where he belongs.

–Miss Ari ^_^

What Kind of Sexy?

"Compared to others, I make sexy appear effortless. But in truth, everyone else is trying too hard anyway."

“Compared to others, I make sexy appear effortless. But in truth, everyone else is trying too hard anyway.”

In most western societies, young girls are taught that a good girl does not “act sexy”. This seems as if it would be a simple enough concept but things were still a tad confusing for me.

I am sure that I was not alone in wondering why “looking sexy” was so important when you were not allowed to act it. Upon questioning my mother about the topic she laughed softly and said. “Real women don’t act sexy. They ARE sexy.” (My mother was notorious for not explaining what she meant).

Now I was thoroughly confused. Not only was society giving me a double standard, but the person that I went to on order to clear things up, did not use the terminology the same way as mass media did. However, it took a few years before I was able to realize this.

What MaMa was saying, was that sexy is a product of mind frame and behavior. When a woman ACTS in a self loving and confident manner, then she IS sexy. When she has knowledge of how her body effects men, and can still ACT conservative or respectfully, then she IS sexy. This type of sexy is based on respect that can be acquired when a woman can behave a certain way along with her physically attractive features.

Now armed with a conclusion of what she meant, I came to the realization that the “popular sexy” attempted to skip the things that come before sexy. In this way, sexy means being promiscuous and dressing to reveal as much as possible.

Most women, if critiqued, will argue that this second kind of sexy is the only way to get a mans attention. (I always find it humorous when people argue my point for me.)

You see, the second kind of sexy may attract a mans attention, but that is all that it will attract. It will not attract his respect, admiration, or desire to please you. It will only attract a fleeting infatuation that will leave you in the same position that you began with.

It is acceptable to feel that you are sexy, and know that you are sexy, and even to act sexy. In simply depends on what kind of sexy.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Man That Provides (A Poem)

tumblr_mhkc4j8x0s1rgsoq1o1_400I grew up with those girls in cherry red laces,
With snow white bows, and soft pretty faces,
And I’ll swear to you over and over again,
Than I can’t possibly be any different than them.

They desire a mate that’s strong not lame,
And to some extent, I swear I’m the same,
They prepare and train and work all their lives,
In order to gain a man that provides.

If I set my standards to a scale of ten,
Manners would appear again and again,
I would not stand for ill manner or rudeness, besides,
A girl only wishes her man would provide.

I’ve picked out his duties, his jobs and more,
I will need him able, to complete the chores,
He must be obedient and provide patient features,
And if he were docile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

For the best results, I guess I must lead,
But it will be quite easy indeed,
He’ll learn when to shut his mouth to survive,
I want nothing more than a man who provides.

So don’t you see? It’s not much that I ask.
I believe I’ve requested the simplest task,
These submissive men are in large supply,
It is easy to find man that provides.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

This poem was inspired in part by my own experiences of hearing what was desired around me and thinking that I wanted the same thing. And of course, I could say that I want a man that provides just like the other women but, I never really did want what they want. My ideal man provided different things than theirs did. I think a lot of women are like this. They are holding back and trying to fit their wants and their needs into the empty spaces of societies puzzle, but sooner or later they will find that it doesn’t work.

And when that day comes, it will all make sense.

–Miss Ari ^_^

When You do Something Different…

tumblr_lvp9cchgoe1r0t12to1_500When you do something different, It effects more than just you.

When you do display feminine confidence, you are automatically an icon; a pure treasure.

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When you wear something different, you are setting an example. 

So whatever you wear, make sure that it looks good; but more importantly, make sure that you wear it confidently.

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Don’t be embarrassed to carry yourself like this.

Be the feminine example that in needed in this world. 

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Don’t hesitate to demand this,

Be an educator to the onlookers.

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Don’t be afraid to desire this,

Challenge other men to experience submission for themselves.

To be different can be unnerving. You should expect the pressure.

Don’t be afraid to be different.

Just make sure you do it right.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

Drawing lines: Dom/sub versus Sadist/masochist

ripped hosieryDrawing lines seems to a popular obsession in contemporary society. We must be black or white, religious or not, happy or sad, the list goes on. 

But as popular as it is, it is not easy. Drawing lines takes way more effort than some of us are willing to give. Drawing lines can lead to conflict where there should be peace. And the worst part is that it carries over into the most intimate parts of our lives, especially our sexuality.

Looking specifically at the concepts of Dominant submissive relationship, it is easy to assume where to add in different “kinks” and it seems that a lot of people like to add sadomasochistic relationships into the mix. I can see how this makes sense. FemDom brings about a powerful power exchange that sometimes factors pain into the pleasure, right? Well, here is where we go wrong, because right about now we begin trying to draw the lines.

FemDom is hard for a lot of women to get into because about the third concern is, “but I ‘like it rough’.” Now, the line is drawn here, where we believe that ‘liking it rough’ makes you sadistic (or at least lean towards the sadistic side). A terrible line to draw, really, because it can get into a dominant woman’s head and make her second guess her dominance because she likes for him to nibble her neck. 

This is also an issue for submissive men, who like to line draw. Sometimes men instinctively show their passion with firm embraces or “rough housing” of the like, but this is not always a sadistic impulse. And line drawing is dangerous here, because it can create cognitive dissonance in “slaves” who will begin to feel terrible that their needs aren’t submissive like they thought they were.

Sadism should not be tied to a specific relationship role, as it often is. Instead, wants should be assigned to each person on their own terms. They should be thought through and decided without the influence of the many social lines. And instead of focusing on how much sense it makes, for the one with the whip to be the sadist, we could simply focus on matching needs.

Matching the Dominant woman that demands to have a few scratch marks of her own, with the submissive man who would be honored to give them to her. Not because of any expectations, or doubts, or lines. But because it is mutually fulfilling.

–Miss Ari ^_^

If You Are a Dominant Woman, Then Why Are You Single?

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

I cannot even pretend that I was amused throughout this actual conversation that I had with a ‘friend’ of mine. Her point was simple; If being a dominant woman is so great, then why are you still single?

This is by far not the most ignorant thing that I have ever heard, but it is pretty damn close. This statement was probably the equivalent to,

“If America is so great, why aren’t you famous yet?”

Or,

“If you like eggs so much, why don’t you own a chicken farm?”

Knowing someones preferences does not give you the right to expect to see a certain behavior from them.

Just because I am dominant, does not mean that I will automatically never be alone. A dominant woman is still a woman, with feelings and flaws and preferences and any confident woman will think wisely about a relationship instead of behaving based on a desperate need to not be alone. 

My current single status does not make me a bad domme, just like a vanilla woman’s single status would not make her a lesbian.

In my case, I have recently moved. I am in a new environment with new people and I have decided that for now I will take my love life one day at a time and see where it takes me. It does not mean that I am unsure about being dominant and it certainty does not mean that I am questioning mu ability to fulfill my desires.

But setting aside my frustrations with my friend, i would like to point out that asking someone why they are single is rude no matter what their preferences are. 

These are all things that I wish I had said to my friend. Now that I think about it, the thing that I actually said was just fighting fire with fire. 

It went something like this: “Since you are so obviously intrigued by my dominant desires, then why aren’t you dominant yet?”

–Miss Ari ^_^

There’s No Turning Back

 

I remember when I didn’t know what FemDom meant. I remember back when the worlds way was the only way, and I was content to being drastically different. 

I also remember when I found out that there was a name to my desires and when I found out that there were other people with the same desires. 

I am a very passionate person by nature and whenever I am passionate about something , it leaks out. It shows in my behavior, and my attitude, and in my speech. And if there is ever a chance of turning back for me, it is in this stage. When the passion begins to build within me. All I need to do is suppress it enough–push it way down, deep within me. I should swipe it out of my mind, cover it up with the norm, snuff the fire of my passion.

But that stage of my passion has passed two years ago.

There’s nothing I ca do now. There is no turning back and nothing to turn back to. There is no way to stop my desire.

And the best part is, I don’t want to.

–Miss Ari ^_^