Black and White ~ Punishment

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Darling, if you didn’t know what to say you should have asked or not said anything at all. I get that you’re nervous to be at this party with such a beautiful woman like me but do not embarrass me in front of my friends again! Now when we get back out there, I want you as charming as ever or you won’t be allowed to worship my feet tonight. Got it?

Yes Ma’am.

Good boy.

Black and White ~ Discipline

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She really wasn’t kidding when she said that she was going to get serious about his discipline. He was sure that she would be in a good mood today. She went to that fancy brunch with her friends that she’d been talking about all week. And he supposed that she was still in a good mood and yet she didn’t hesitate assign him a punishment.

She said they would still have their play time later that day. And that of course the punishment wouldn’t wait. She said he needed this and he deserved this.

He hung his head and entered the room thinking that the weight of her gaze would crush him into dust.

He should have just done his chores like he was supposed to.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Black and White ~ 1

22115f0a5aec6769d57e71c4cfd776d8 I know I haven’t been here lately. I’ve been over here a lot. But I’m not gone! And, in an attempt to get back on a schedule, I’ll be posting a black and white FemDom photo about every Friday accompanied by my comments or perhaps a poem. There’s something just so alluring about a black and white photo especially one as powerful as this. Beautiful legs just perfect for hosiery and an obedient boy at her feet, right where he belongs.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Be Careful What You Wish For (Short Fiction)

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I watched his face carefully. His eyes were closed tightly and his breathing was labored but he remaining as still as he could. I knew he expected more, but I also suspected that he would not be able to handle any more. I rubbed my hand over his red flesh and he flinched for the first time.

“That’s enough.” I said softly. This wasn’t a punishment, after all. This was only to show him what would happen if he were to disobey me.

He looked up at me confused for a moment.

“That’s all for today. You took more than I thought you would. Were you counting?”

He nodded slowly.

“How many?”

He thought for a moment, then he took a breath. “Twenty-two?”

“Is that a question?”

“No. It… it was twenty-two.”

I sat my implement down and walked around him slowly. “Are you sure? It wasn’t Twenty-four? What about twenty-one?” I could see him hesitate for a moment.

“Umm…”

“Maybe we should start over? Then you can count again. Do you want to change your answer?”

“No, Ma’am. It was twenty-two.”

I smiled at him. “Very good.”

I stepped back until my legs touched the edge of the bed and I sat. “Come here.” I curled my finger at him.

He got to his knees slowly and crawled over to me. I received him taking his face into my hands and pulling closer kissing him deeply.

I broke the kiss.

“Yes.” He whispered.

“Yes, What?”

“Yes I still want to belong to you.”

I smiled. “I wasn’t going to ask.” I said. “I’ve asked you enough and I believe you now. I’m deciding for myself that you belong to me and there’s no going back. You know that don’t you? You’ll never be the same again. I own you totally and completely; every part of you is mine now.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Of course, Ma’am.”

“Do you like belonging to me?”

“Yes, Ma’am. It feels so good to belong to you. I wish to never leave your side.”

I smiled that sadistic smile that he loved. “Be careful what you wish for.”

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

P.S. I’ve recently created a second blog where I’ll be posting more personal stories and fun happenings from my current relationship: Here.

Power Dynamic

I haven’t had the pleasure of knowing a woman that is in a female led relationship that was initiated by the male; however, from what i have heard, it is difficult for these women to come to terms with the new power dynamic.

The power dynamic is the basis of all femdom relationships but as the dominant woman, I decide the degree of of my power. A high power dynamic would include the woman making all decisions and the male not being allowed to decide anything. A low power dynamic would include decisions being made as a couple with the woman having the final say in everything. I personally favor a dynamic where the woman has all power of decision but the male has power of suggestion. Each of these dynamics are female led and it is the woman’s decision how the power dynamic will be displayed.

Regardless of the preferred dynamic, the important part is how you acquire that power. Even if the male offers you power over himself, you are still not in control until you decide that you are.

Now, no woman should feel like she must act manly to be in charge. There is no need for that. In fact, correctly harnessed female power is far more powerful than trying to be something that you are not.

There can and should be femininity in the way that you command. After all, it is the appeal anyway. Females gentleness should not be taken for weakness. However, it should still exist in a relationship along with every bit of firmness that she possesses.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Is it wrong?

Wrong? Don't be silly, darling. Does this feel wrong to you?

Wrong? Don’t be silly, darling. Does this feel wrong to you?

Well, what do you think? Because a majority of the people that ask this are not asking whether it is really wrong, but they are asking what they should think. They do not think it is wrong but society tells them that they should.

I don’t blame them for being skeptical. Skepticism is a critical part of surviving. So maybe, by popular definition it is weird. Maybe it doesn’t fit in too well; maybe it’s wrong, but it feels so good doesn’t it?

Your body screams for my dominance.
Your skin craves my caress.
Your heart yearns to be enveloped in the sound of my voice, no matter what the command.
Your very bones tremble as I leave.
Your mind surrendered long ago.
But it doesn’t matter because you trust me to think for you when you cannot think for yourself.

It is not ignorance that you live in. It’s not power craze that fuels me.
It is our essences folding together where they belong.
Your submission is bliss.

And at the end of the day, if we are apart, we are still together. Aren’t we?

You can still feel my hand entwined in your hair.

Is that wrong?

I don’t think so.

 

–Miss Ari ^_^

What Your Fears Are To Me

They are real despite what others might think.

They are thing I may not ever fear for myself, just as my fears are to you.

They can be lethal to our relationship if not handled properly.

They are nothing to be ashamed of;

nothing to hide from.

Your fears are bigger than I think they are;

and they are smaller than you think they are.

Your fears are a story written by your past;

and yet a path to a better future.

Your fears will bring us closer together.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Forgive yourself for me.

Forgive yourself for me.

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Role Reversal V.S. Power Exchange

No matter how you describe it,  it is me over you.  And you just can't get enough of it, can you?

No matter how you describe it,
it is me over you.
And you just can’t get enough of it, can you?

I have seen this argument in many forums lately and I must admit that I had not put very much thought into the topic until reading these comments. The dispute is that these two phrases cannot be used interchangeably.

The argument on the other side is that they are practically the same thing. But they are not.

Power exchange involves one partner giving up power to the other. Simple, right.

Well, role reversal implies that the partner that is supposed to be, or usually is, dominant is acting in a submissive role. The offense comes when it is interpreted, in the FemDom sense, that the woman is submissive by default. In this way, the only way for a woman to be dominant would be through a role reversal. And that she cannot be naturally dominant.

Previously I would use neither phrase to describe a relationship, but if I did use one of them, I would use power exchange. I did not, however, mind reading a sentence where the other was used because it never occurred to me what it was implying. I would not be offended and I suppose that I still will not.

But it obviously matters to someone, so I thought that I should help them out a little.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Taking Notice

Pay attention my dear. Or you will miss something very important... and I will be displeased.

Pay attention my dear. Or you will miss something very important… and I will be displeased.

I like to think of being the author of a blog as being just like any other author. (Hopefully) you write because you like to, and 70% of the time it’s fantastic! (10% of the time you get to enjoy writers block) But 20% of the time you realize that what you write down may only make sense to you.

Your readers may be fans of your work; they may comment on their favorite part. But the odds are that they will not read your work and think the same things that you did when you wrote it.

I started this blog because in May 2014 I did an internet search using only the word “FemDom”. Can you guess what the search results were? They were porn. Almost every single one of them. And a lot of them were cruel depictions of pain, anger, spite, and torment in the name of revenge. It is no wonder FemDom is not wide spread, because this is what it looks like to people who would conduct the internet search.

With that said, I would like to draw the attention of my readers to a few things.

I hope that you all will take notice that…

This blog is NOT porn. I attempt to post images that depict FemDom without blatant nudity. And I do this on purpose. FemDom is not solely about sex and so there should be a place for FemDom to be discussed in a practical or sensual sense.

This blog is NOT violence. I do not promote physical disfigurement or excessive violence, and again I do this for a reason. Because such acts of “play” can only exist in fantasy for a small period of time. And accomplishes little real domination. Such intensity can no longer be called sensual and it, therefore, has no home on this blog.

This blog is NOT abuse. I do not suggest relationships where submissive men are used by women who only wish to harm them. So much happens before, during, and after any type of pain that the submissive receives and I hope to explain it all. On this log, submission is a form of strength and it is valued.

Lastly, this blog IS a place that I hope will reach many people and help them come above the ideas that may scare the away from FemDom. And if I don’t reach anyone else… At least I have reached you 🙂

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bad Advice Part 4: Strap-on Play (the Concept)

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This post may be very closely related to another post of mine where I discuss some of the ideas that I consider to be problematic in FemDom literature. Most (if not all) of the bad advice associated with strap-on play comes from erotic stories.

There are a number of sites (“vanilla” and “kinky” alike) that offer advice for anal play but, some how, as soon as the idea is introduced into a FemDom story, all precaution is forgotten.

That said, safety is not even the biggest issue in these stories. The biggest issue is a false representation of FemDom. In a majority of the FemDom stories I have read, strap-on’s are portrayed as a way to stand in for something that the dominant woman lacks. A penis.

I am not at all stating that there is anything wrong with having such an organ, but there certainly is something wrong with the idea that the lack of one is looked down upon. By this definition, every woman is made to seem inadequate and the only way that she can be truly dominant, is by means of a false phallus.

I will admit that this reasoning is hard to detect at first. I first noticed it when I read a phrase in a short story where the Dominant Woman states that she is sorry that she doesn’t have anything for him to swallow. (just imagine the context)

Why should she be sorry for something like that? How could she feel the need to apologize for not being a man? This is not at all what FemDom is about. FemDom is about fulfilling the will of the female. If that will includes her enjoying him in this way, then that is her decision. The strap-on is a tool of convenience for the woman. It is not a way for the woman to seek her dominance through taking on the form of a man.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

P.S. Not all FemDom literature experiences are bad ones. Here is a link to a short story that I did enjoy, sent to me by one of my blog’s followers. Enjoy.

P.P.S. For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.

 

What I Look For in a Submissive Man

It's a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

It’s a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

What Dominant Women look for in a submissive? I find this question a lot on the internet. I also find that there aren’t that many real answers available.

Let’s fix that.

Now, I can’t speak for the “Dominatrix type” of Dominant Woman. And I can’t speak on behalf of women who claim to be “switch women”. I can only speak for myself; a Dominant Woman, attracted to submissive men, looking for a valuable partner rather than a quick scene to fuel fantasies. I can’t even speak for every real Dominant Woman because everyone has their own preferences. But I can definitely give some insight on the basic things that a Dominant Woman looks for in a partner. 

1) Cleanliness!

It probably sounds odd to mention such a thing as a first priority, but I find that I am always way more attracted to a man that is dressed and smells clean than I am to the most submissive man in the world. This does not mean wearing a lot of cologne. It means making yourself appear more healthy and organized by taking care of your self and choosing clothing that is appropriate looks good on you and is clean.

2) Manners

Now that we have gotten the basics out of the way, we can move on to manners. This one should be obvious, though. The best way to get a Dominant Woman’s attention is to willingly treat her as she needs to be treated. Manners need to be physical and verbal. Do not call her Mistress or Queen or Boss. It is just a bad idea; you don’t know what she wants to be called, and you could risk embarrassing yourself and ruining your chances (or confusing her if she isn’t familiar with FemDom terms). Be courteous.

3) Talents/ Interesting traits

This one is probably unexpected. The third thing I always look for is something that “sparkles”. It doesn’t have to be amazing, or revolutionary, or even all that interesting to me. You play an instrument? That’s lovely. You speak multiple languages? Me too; I am intrigued. You like murder mystery novels? I don’t care for them, but I’d still like to know.

What I know about you, helps me make predictions as to how you would react to me if we were ever intimate. Make sense now?

This is my opportunity to get into your head, so be prepared.

4) Submission

This is where I start to look for submissive behavior. I am attracted to submissive men. It’s almost natural for me to recognize submissive behaviors. It is likely that other Dominant Women will do the same. Some common things I notice are submissive body language (placing me in a more respectable or higher position than himself) and verbal submissive behavior (verbally admitting my leadership/superiority).

A few things to notice here are how I never said that Dominantrix or FemDom experience is a prerequisite. Experience in serving another woman means absolutely nothing to me. I have my own needs and desires. I never gave a preference for race (how can I?). I never mentioned money either. Money is a plus and the lack thereof is a minor drawback, not a deal breaker.

–MIss Ari ^_^

We Like to Lay Together (fiction)

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We like to spend time together. I demand it at least once a day.

It’s so wonderful for us to enjoy each others company this way, but my husband has a very low attention span.

I decided very early on that he would have to learn to be patient and remain still when I find it necessary. But I still don’t know if he has learned. I bought the ropes to train him, but now I like them too much and I still keep him in them. I like the helplessness that he displays when I tie him to one of the bed posts. When his legs and arms are restrained and cannot move, he cannot decide what happens next. He can only look at me to try and figure out what I am thinking. What I want. His eyes watch the gestures that I make. He knows what will happen if I go to the closet; that’s where I keep my box. He knows that if I leave the room, I will probably not come back for a few hours. Most times I’ll just lay on the bed with him, though.

We like to lay together. It is so fun to tease him when we lay together, too. Often times I’ll let my feet play over his naked skin and watch as he shivers. I trace down his neck and chest with my finger nails and smile as he shudders. I caress him and am always pleased when he trembles and moans. He’s just so amusing to play with!

Sometimes I release him while he is still panting and needy and I send him out of the room to do some chore. Sometimes I get my satisfaction first.

But most times I keep him all night long, because we like to lay together.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.

Why the Hosiery?

Isn't it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

Isn’t it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

“What is the use for hosiery in the FemDom practice? There is nothing on the list of FemDom uses for pantyhose that cannot simply be done with a few purchases from a BDSM site. So why even own a pair?”

These are questions I’ve never been asked, but I’m sure someone has thought of. To many women, the answer is obvious, but for those of you whom are still perplexed, let me explain.

Something happens in the mind of a woman when she suits herself up from head to toe in leather; when she covers with skins that are not her own, when she goes through her toy box for whatever flogger will be her favorite for the evening. Something changes as she transforms herself into the image that she believes to be a dominant woman. Often times she may loose herself completely. She will become a personality that she will immediately toss aside as soon as she sheds herself of the leather corset. It is difficult to see the problem here at first, because there should be nothing wrong with being a dominant woman. She may be completely in control throughout the whole ‘scene’. She will break her slave an remind him to whom he belongs, but when this dominant woman sets down her whip, she has lost all of that. The activities that took place are now in the past and will not reoccur until the leather is back on her body. In essence, this woman is not dominant at all; she is just a really good actress. 

When female domination happens without these things present, then they are not associated with her dominance. Suddenly it was not the paddle in her hand that made her so intimidating; suddenly it was not the crotchless leather pants, or the whip, or the dildo that made her so dominant. It was just her. Every dominant woman needs to be reminded that the things that she thought were essential in order to be a good Domme, were not needed at all. All that was needed was her. 

So why the essential pantyhose, then?

Well, for one it is a confidence booster. But not in the same way as fetish wear is. Unless you are a dominatrix, you would not wear your fetish wear all day long. She would, however, wear hosiery to work or shopping or whatever else she enjoys. She did not have to change what she looks like in order to act like a dominant woman later on in the evening. She COULD have been dominant at any point in the day. She simply chose not to. 

Other than that, hosiery give the illusion of flawlessness. It shows femininity with any ensemble. It shows modesty (even if it is partly satirical). And it shows that she has class and is to be respected. 

If I had it my way, everyone would understand this. But since we all already have an agreement, I just thought I’d explain.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Man That Provides (A Poem)

tumblr_mhkc4j8x0s1rgsoq1o1_400I grew up with those girls in cherry red laces,
With snow white bows, and soft pretty faces,
And I’ll swear to you over and over again,
Than I can’t possibly be any different than them.

They desire a mate that’s strong not lame,
And to some extent, I swear I’m the same,
They prepare and train and work all their lives,
In order to gain a man that provides.

If I set my standards to a scale of ten,
Manners would appear again and again,
I would not stand for ill manner or rudeness, besides,
A girl only wishes her man would provide.

I’ve picked out his duties, his jobs and more,
I will need him able, to complete the chores,
He must be obedient and provide patient features,
And if he were docile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

For the best results, I guess I must lead,
But it will be quite easy indeed,
He’ll learn when to shut his mouth to survive,
I want nothing more than a man who provides.

So don’t you see? It’s not much that I ask.
I believe I’ve requested the simplest task,
These submissive men are in large supply,
It is easy to find man that provides.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

This poem was inspired in part by my own experiences of hearing what was desired around me and thinking that I wanted the same thing. And of course, I could say that I want a man that provides just like the other women but, I never really did want what they want. My ideal man provided different things than theirs did. I think a lot of women are like this. They are holding back and trying to fit their wants and their needs into the empty spaces of societies puzzle, but sooner or later they will find that it doesn’t work.

And when that day comes, it will all make sense.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Bring Me a Chair! (an erotic story)

chairThere was something about the way she said those words that made his heart, his head, and everything between his legs lurch with excitement. Their relationship was a pretty normal one. Miss made most of their decisions since they have been living together, but other than that they behaved just like any other couple. They laughed, they cried, the fought, they made love. But the four words that he practically lived to hear came only once in a while.

Miss had had a bad week. He could tell. He had tried to stay out of her way to avoid her temper until she calmed down but it seems that she would not be calming down by herself. Her lovely brown eyes scrunched slightly as she looked over at him. She had a towel wrapped around her body as she stepped out of the bathroom and she let it fall to the floor at her feet. Matt didn’t try to hide his lust as he looked over her supple frame. He was lost in the smooth brown of her skin that hugged every luscious curve of her body. Her hair was wet and it was curling up around her face. His breathing was heavy and he could feel his pale face flushing deep red. He wanted to go up to her and take her in his arms and kiss every inch of her body. He wanted to take her, but his body was not under his own power. It was under hers. And her gaze told him not to move.

So he stood there, waiting, hoping and wishing that she would say his favorite words. Those words that he loved to hear. His gaze lingered at her mouth, and for a minute, he thought he saw a smile.

Then she parted her sweet lips. “Bring me a chair”. He knew better than to hesitate. He went straight to the corner of their bed room where there sat a dark brown wood chair with a red velvet covered seat cushion. He careful lifted the chair and sat it next to where she stood.

His hands were almost shaking with nervousness. He never knew what to expect when she said those words. Images of what had occurred in the past in that chair were like a blur in his mind. He remembered kneeling in front if the chair pleasuring her, and he remembered Miss sitting in the chair as he lay over her lap receiving punishment. A lot of times, she had him stand behind the chair and bend over it. She seemed to like that position. But perhaps he liked it more.

He always felt ashamed of liking the things that happened in that position, but he had a feeling that she already knew that. He loved how well Miss could read him. And he loved that chair because it meant quality time with her. He loved those words. But he loved her next words even more.

“Strip and kneel!”…

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

For stories from my personal relationship, see my other blog.

When You do Something Different…

tumblr_lvp9cchgoe1r0t12to1_500When you do something different, It effects more than just you.

When you do display feminine confidence, you are automatically an icon; a pure treasure.

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When you wear something different, you are setting an example. 

So whatever you wear, make sure that it looks good; but more importantly, make sure that you wear it confidently.

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Don’t be embarrassed to carry yourself like this.

Be the feminine example that in needed in this world. 

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Don’t hesitate to demand this,

Be an educator to the onlookers.

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Don’t be afraid to desire this,

Challenge other men to experience submission for themselves.

To be different can be unnerving. You should expect the pressure.

Don’t be afraid to be different.

Just make sure you do it right.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

I’m Taking You With Me

Will you follow, or are you too afraid?

Will you follow, or are you too afraid?

You’ve made a terrible mistake, My darling.

For being so good at these things that I ask of you. For knowing me so well after only a few short months. It was a terribly wonderful mistake because now I’m taking taking you with me.

It is not a question, My dear man,

but if it were, I know your answer would be “Yes, Miss!”, so it is actually better for me to simply tell you that I am taking you with me.

I am going to so many wonderful places,

Some I may just visit and some I may stay a while, but each one will be grand. I am going to the end of the earth and (perhaps) back. And you don’t have to say anything, My sweet, for I know that you will follow me all the way. And that is why I’m taking you with me.

I am so happy to see how confused you are now.

We will count the days together until you finally see the glory of what I have allowed of you, treasured slave. What I have allowed now that I’m taking you with me.

Don’t worry about your inexperience, though. I already know of it and I am willing to teach you when I take you with me.

Don’t worry of the key to your new silver collar, My beloved. We will mot need it now that I have decided that I’m taking you with me.

Don’t worry of what others will think, My pet, none of their opinions will matter anymore when we get started.

And don’t worry that I will become bored of you, My pet.

I have bought fair for an endless journey seated left of my desires and right of my passions.

And aren’t you so glad that I’m taking you with me?

–Miss Ari ^_^

Domestic Domme

 

I'm in charge because i said so, Darling. Don't question me again, or I'll show you what this rolling pin is really for.

I’m in charge because i said so, Darling. Don’t question me again, or I’ll show you what this rolling pin is really for.


This post will be a continuation of something that I hadn’t intended to become a series. I wrote a post called What Kind if Domme are You, then i answered the question personally in another post called Romantic Domme.
But i guess it won’t end there because now i would like discuss a different kind of domme; the domestic domme.
I think this type of domme i way more common than any other type of domme. The domestic domme favors what the tittle entails; a relationship of female dominace that would require total servitude of the male, but on a private basis.
Now, the domestic Domme is no less strict that any other domme. And simply because the dominance takes place in the house hold, it does not mean that the male is free to missbehave when the couple is in public. In fact, a submissive of a domestic domme is likely to be more obediant in public situations, but the domestic domme will have luttle interest in public humiliation.
The aspect of a domestic domme is simply the privacy of the play. The dommestic domme will not flaunt her sexual dominance to anyone other than a few close friends. The domestic domme will not feel the need to take on multiple submissives or participate in cuckolding. These things are simply not nessesary in this particular life style.
With the domestic domme, dominance will take place in the house hold (or likely in a marriage) and the dominance will be present from the begining of the relationship.
In the life style of a domestic domme, dominance is not a fantasy or a game. Dominance is simply the choice that the woman has made, and if you dont like it, well… she doesn’t care what you think.
–Miss Ari ^_^

I have no Interest in Being a Dominatrix

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I am a Dominant woman, and I am not here fr YOUR amusement.

It is just something that will never appeal to me for various reasons. But since, there are still some people that don’t understand, Let me breifly explain.
First of all, it’s not real. It’s decidedly fake and dishonorable in my opinion. It in no way involves the connection of a woman dominating a man, because it is the man who initiates it and tells the woman what he wants and he pays her for it. This is not domination; this is an act. It is a false representation of what a real Dominant/submissive relationship is like. You cannot buy domination, because if the submissive is purchasing it, then they are the one in control.

The next reason that I will never be a dominatrix is because I would not stand for that type of treatment. The “bottoms” that think they can buy domination, will come with a list of things they want done to them, and I would be unable to bring myself to preform scenes that I am uninterested in.

Number three is a common occurrence in the BDSM community. A number of men that go to a dominatrix, go to be abused. To them, it is more about the pain than the submission, they don’t expect to have to make an actual commitment or be loyal as a submissive should be. All that they are after is a session to fuel their fantasies. As a dominant woman, I would have a problem with having subs that don’t feel the need to actually be mine.

Lastly, It would simply take up too much of my time and effort that could be better used somewhere else, or on my own personal submissive. To me it would certainly not be worth the money and I certainly would not want to condone sch a practice.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Q & A: Why Can’t I Find a Submissive?

This world is so new to you, isn't it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby. Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

This world is so new to you, isn’t it? I know you are probably scared, but you are not lone. Mamma will be right here next to you as you learn your place, baby.
Now hold that bow position for ten more minutes. I want to make sure you remember it.d

Anonymous: Why can’t I find a submissive?

I don’t know. Where have you been looking? You say that you’ve looked everywhere; on every BDSM, FemDom, and female led relationship dating site available. You’ve been to every munch, every “play dungeon”, and every meet up that didn’t interfere with your schedule. But the men are all wrong, aren’t they? They never fit your needs, do they?

I feel like banging my head against a wall whenever I hear a woman critique a mans “submissiveness”. It always goes one of two ways. 1) This man isn’t even submissive because he doesn’t know how to cook/address a dominant/massage feet/kneel perfectly. Or 2) That submissive isn’t right for me because he only knows how to massage the way his last domme taught him.

If you are this person, no one will ever be right for you. Men will always be too submissive/not submissive enough by your standards because you’ve missed a crucial peice of information when you read that BDSM story.

Submissive men are not mind readers; they’re just not. The inexperienced college grad will not know anything more about you than the experienced slave. And no matter how much you want things to instantly be your way, it will take either a little bit of effort on your part, or a lot of time on his part in order for him to anticipate the way you like things.

So why can’t you find a submissive? 

Your definition is wrong. A true submissive man isn’t a man that likes exactly what you like. A true submissive man is a man that likes to learn exactly what you like. And the truth is: the only way he is going to learn, is if you teach.

–Miss Ari ^_^