Is it wrong?

Wrong? Don't be silly, darling. Does this feel wrong to you?

Wrong? Don’t be silly, darling. Does this feel wrong to you?

Well, what do you think? Because a majority of the people that ask this are not asking whether it is really wrong, but they are asking what they should think. They do not think it is wrong but society tells them that they should.

I don’t blame them for being skeptical. Skepticism is a critical part of surviving. So maybe, by popular definition it is weird. Maybe it doesn’t fit in too well; maybe it’s wrong, but it feels so good doesn’t it?

Your body screams for my dominance.
Your skin craves my caress.
Your heart yearns to be enveloped in the sound of my voice, no matter what the command.
Your very bones tremble as I leave.
Your mind surrendered long ago.
But it doesn’t matter because you trust me to think for you when you cannot think for yourself.

It is not ignorance that you live in. It’s not power craze that fuels me.
It is our essences folding together where they belong.
Your submission is bliss.

And at the end of the day, if we are apart, we are still together. Aren’t we?

You can still feel my hand entwined in your hair.

Is that wrong?

I don’t think so.

 

–Miss Ari ^_^

What Your Fears Are To Me

They are real despite what others might think.

They are thing I may not ever fear for myself, just as my fears are to you.

They can be lethal to our relationship if not handled properly.

They are nothing to be ashamed of;

nothing to hide from.

Your fears are bigger than I think they are;

and they are smaller than you think they are.

Your fears are a story written by your past;

and yet a path to a better future.

Your fears will bring us closer together.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Forgive yourself for me.

Forgive yourself for me.

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What I Look For in a Submissive Man

It's a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

It’s a hunt! And your my prey, darling.

What Dominant Women look for in a submissive? I find this question a lot on the internet. I also find that there aren’t that many real answers available.

Let’s fix that.

Now, I can’t speak for the “Dominatrix type” of Dominant Woman. And I can’t speak on behalf of women who claim to be “switch women”. I can only speak for myself; a Dominant Woman, attracted to submissive men, looking for a valuable partner rather than a quick scene to fuel fantasies. I can’t even speak for every real Dominant Woman because everyone has their own preferences. But I can definitely give some insight on the basic things that a Dominant Woman looks for in a partner. 

1) Cleanliness!

It probably sounds odd to mention such a thing as a first priority, but I find that I am always way more attracted to a man that is dressed and smells clean than I am to the most submissive man in the world. This does not mean wearing a lot of cologne. It means making yourself appear more healthy and organized by taking care of your self and choosing clothing that is appropriate looks good on you and is clean.

2) Manners

Now that we have gotten the basics out of the way, we can move on to manners. This one should be obvious, though. The best way to get a Dominant Woman’s attention is to willingly treat her as she needs to be treated. Manners need to be physical and verbal. Do not call her Mistress or Queen or Boss. It is just a bad idea; you don’t know what she wants to be called, and you could risk embarrassing yourself and ruining your chances (or confusing her if she isn’t familiar with FemDom terms). Be courteous.

3) Talents/ Interesting traits

This one is probably unexpected. The third thing I always look for is something that “sparkles”. It doesn’t have to be amazing, or revolutionary, or even all that interesting to me. You play an instrument? That’s lovely. You speak multiple languages? Me too; I am intrigued. You like murder mystery novels? I don’t care for them, but I’d still like to know.

What I know about you, helps me make predictions as to how you would react to me if we were ever intimate. Make sense now?

This is my opportunity to get into your head, so be prepared.

4) Submission

This is where I start to look for submissive behavior. I am attracted to submissive men. It’s almost natural for me to recognize submissive behaviors. It is likely that other Dominant Women will do the same. Some common things I notice are submissive body language (placing me in a more respectable or higher position than himself) and verbal submissive behavior (verbally admitting my leadership/superiority).

A few things to notice here are how I never said that Dominantrix or FemDom experience is a prerequisite. Experience in serving another woman means absolutely nothing to me. I have my own needs and desires. I never gave a preference for race (how can I?). I never mentioned money either. Money is a plus and the lack thereof is a minor drawback, not a deal breaker.

–MIss Ari ^_^

Why the Hosiery?

Isn't it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

Isn’t it clear that I have expectations of you, My dear boy?

“What is the use for hosiery in the FemDom practice? There is nothing on the list of FemDom uses for pantyhose that cannot simply be done with a few purchases from a BDSM site. So why even own a pair?”

These are questions I’ve never been asked, but I’m sure someone has thought of. To many women, the answer is obvious, but for those of you whom are still perplexed, let me explain.

Something happens in the mind of a woman when she suits herself up from head to toe in leather; when she covers with skins that are not her own, when she goes through her toy box for whatever flogger will be her favorite for the evening. Something changes as she transforms herself into the image that she believes to be a dominant woman. Often times she may loose herself completely. She will become a personality that she will immediately toss aside as soon as she sheds herself of the leather corset. It is difficult to see the problem here at first, because there should be nothing wrong with being a dominant woman. She may be completely in control throughout the whole ‘scene’. She will break her slave an remind him to whom he belongs, but when this dominant woman sets down her whip, she has lost all of that. The activities that took place are now in the past and will not reoccur until the leather is back on her body. In essence, this woman is not dominant at all; she is just a really good actress. 

When female domination happens without these things present, then they are not associated with her dominance. Suddenly it was not the paddle in her hand that made her so intimidating; suddenly it was not the crotchless leather pants, or the whip, or the dildo that made her so dominant. It was just her. Every dominant woman needs to be reminded that the things that she thought were essential in order to be a good Domme, were not needed at all. All that was needed was her. 

So why the essential pantyhose, then?

Well, for one it is a confidence booster. But not in the same way as fetish wear is. Unless you are a dominatrix, you would not wear your fetish wear all day long. She would, however, wear hosiery to work or shopping or whatever else she enjoys. She did not have to change what she looks like in order to act like a dominant woman later on in the evening. She COULD have been dominant at any point in the day. She simply chose not to. 

Other than that, hosiery give the illusion of flawlessness. It shows femininity with any ensemble. It shows modesty (even if it is partly satirical). And it shows that she has class and is to be respected. 

If I had it my way, everyone would understand this. But since we all already have an agreement, I just thought I’d explain.

–Miss Ari ^_^

A Man That Provides (A Poem)

tumblr_mhkc4j8x0s1rgsoq1o1_400I grew up with those girls in cherry red laces,
With snow white bows, and soft pretty faces,
And I’ll swear to you over and over again,
Than I can’t possibly be any different than them.

They desire a mate that’s strong not lame,
And to some extent, I swear I’m the same,
They prepare and train and work all their lives,
In order to gain a man that provides.

If I set my standards to a scale of ten,
Manners would appear again and again,
I would not stand for ill manner or rudeness, besides,
A girl only wishes her man would provide.

I’ve picked out his duties, his jobs and more,
I will need him able, to complete the chores,
He must be obedient and provide patient features,
And if he were docile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

For the best results, I guess I must lead,
But it will be quite easy indeed,
He’ll learn when to shut his mouth to survive,
I want nothing more than a man who provides.

So don’t you see? It’s not much that I ask.
I believe I’ve requested the simplest task,
These submissive men are in large supply,
It is easy to find man that provides.

–Miss Ari ^_^

 

This poem was inspired in part by my own experiences of hearing what was desired around me and thinking that I wanted the same thing. And of course, I could say that I want a man that provides just like the other women but, I never really did want what they want. My ideal man provided different things than theirs did. I think a lot of women are like this. They are holding back and trying to fit their wants and their needs into the empty spaces of societies puzzle, but sooner or later they will find that it doesn’t work.

And when that day comes, it will all make sense.

–Miss Ari ^_^

Drawing lines: Dom/sub versus Sadist/masochist

ripped hosieryDrawing lines seems to a popular obsession in contemporary society. We must be black or white, religious or not, happy or sad, the list goes on. 

But as popular as it is, it is not easy. Drawing lines takes way more effort than some of us are willing to give. Drawing lines can lead to conflict where there should be peace. And the worst part is that it carries over into the most intimate parts of our lives, especially our sexuality.

Looking specifically at the concepts of Dominant submissive relationship, it is easy to assume where to add in different “kinks” and it seems that a lot of people like to add sadomasochistic relationships into the mix. I can see how this makes sense. FemDom brings about a powerful power exchange that sometimes factors pain into the pleasure, right? Well, here is where we go wrong, because right about now we begin trying to draw the lines.

FemDom is hard for a lot of women to get into because about the third concern is, “but I ‘like it rough’.” Now, the line is drawn here, where we believe that ‘liking it rough’ makes you sadistic (or at least lean towards the sadistic side). A terrible line to draw, really, because it can get into a dominant woman’s head and make her second guess her dominance because she likes for him to nibble her neck. 

This is also an issue for submissive men, who like to line draw. Sometimes men instinctively show their passion with firm embraces or “rough housing” of the like, but this is not always a sadistic impulse. And line drawing is dangerous here, because it can create cognitive dissonance in “slaves” who will begin to feel terrible that their needs aren’t submissive like they thought they were.

Sadism should not be tied to a specific relationship role, as it often is. Instead, wants should be assigned to each person on their own terms. They should be thought through and decided without the influence of the many social lines. And instead of focusing on how much sense it makes, for the one with the whip to be the sadist, we could simply focus on matching needs.

Matching the Dominant woman that demands to have a few scratch marks of her own, with the submissive man who would be honored to give them to her. Not because of any expectations, or doubts, or lines. But because it is mutually fulfilling.

–Miss Ari ^_^