Bad Advice pt 2: Domme Attitude

Being a 'Domme" does not mean that I stop being ME.

Being a ‘Domme” does not mean that I stop being ME.

Pressure is all around us; the pressure to have a ‘good’ job, the pressure to have ‘good’ relationships, the pressure to look ‘good’ weighs heavily on our shoulders in modern day society. And sometimes, it feels like women getting into FemDom, are jumping out of one pool of social pressure and right into another one.

I’ve seen this happen a lot to women that don’t understand FemDom, because they believe that in order to be the dominant partner in a relationship, they need to have a certain attitude. In modern society, a woman who takes charge is sometimes called bossy, controlling, or even ‘bitchy’. Most woman correlate having this attitude with being a dominant woman and they will believe that they cannot be dominant without being mean.

This is the thought frame especially with women that are introduced to FemDom by their partners. When their partner says that he wants her to dominate him, she hears that he wants her to be brutal and cruel to him. This is sometimes what the man wants, but most of the time, it is not what he means. The problem is, most women are unable to imagine being dominant and keeping their same personality, but it is possible.

It is possible to behave like you normally behave and only be controlling in time frames that you know you can handle. And it is also possible to not really change at all. This post will be a contrast to all of the bad advice out there and it will be prof that you can keep your same personality and be dominant.

Your personality might be sweet.lolita couple

That’s completely okay! Don’t be mean just because you think that it is what you are supposed to do. You can be sweet and kind to everyone around you. You can also be firm with your instruction and feminine while putting him in his place where he so desperately wants to be.

You may be the quiet type.malaysian_fashion

That’s fine too. I’ve seen so many women try and pretend to be obnoxious and bossy because that is what they think it means to be dominant. And for so many, this is just not their personality. 

When you pretend to be something you are not, it makes you hate your self, it makes you feel as if the only way you can fulfill your desires is to turn into something that you do not want to be. Being dominant does not have as many rules as you may think. 

You should be a bit more demanding, but whether that means that you are loud and obnoxious or quiet and seductive is your choice. You should take control of your relationship, but whether that makes you mean and ‘bitchy’ or sweet and confident is also your choice.

It’s always your choice. You are the dominant one after all.

–Miss Ari ^_^

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If You Are a Dominant Woman, Then Why Are You Single?

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

Lolita is a fashion style that I have always been interested in. So sweet, but demands respect.

I cannot even pretend that I was amused throughout this actual conversation that I had with a ‘friend’ of mine. Her point was simple; If being a dominant woman is so great, then why are you still single?

This is by far not the most ignorant thing that I have ever heard, but it is pretty damn close. This statement was probably the equivalent to,

“If America is so great, why aren’t you famous yet?”

Or,

“If you like eggs so much, why don’t you own a chicken farm?”

Knowing someones preferences does not give you the right to expect to see a certain behavior from them.

Just because I am dominant, does not mean that I will automatically never be alone. A dominant woman is still a woman, with feelings and flaws and preferences and any confident woman will think wisely about a relationship instead of behaving based on a desperate need to not be alone. 

My current single status does not make me a bad domme, just like a vanilla woman’s single status would not make her a lesbian.

In my case, I have recently moved. I am in a new environment with new people and I have decided that for now I will take my love life one day at a time and see where it takes me. It does not mean that I am unsure about being dominant and it certainty does not mean that I am questioning mu ability to fulfill my desires.

But setting aside my frustrations with my friend, i would like to point out that asking someone why they are single is rude no matter what their preferences are. 

These are all things that I wish I had said to my friend. Now that I think about it, the thing that I actually said was just fighting fire with fire. 

It went something like this: “Since you are so obviously intrigued by my dominant desires, then why aren’t you dominant yet?”

–Miss Ari ^_^

What am I supposed to be insecure about again?

"Don't forget your daily self criticism!"

“Don’t forget your daily self criticism!”

I think the media is doing this to me on purpose. How am I supposed to keep up with all of the aspects that I am supposed to be insecure about? Today it’s hair. Tomorrow it’s shoes. And the next day it’s the shape of my nose.

I can’t even get angry with people who tell me that I should put myself down because I don’t look a certain way. It is exhausting to play that game everyday and I haven’t played it in years. Every time I stand in the mirror I look at myself and I am glad that I do not look just like the girl on the tele. If I was her, I would have to act like she does and get treated like she does. As long as I am me, I am allowed to live by my own rules. I can wear what ever I think makes me look like I deserve respect.

I can dress like I belong in my world not yours. I can lounge around wearing nothing but pantyhose (something I do almost every day) even if there is no one there to see me<^_^>. And I don’t have to mind if you think that I am crazy, because I don’t play that game anymore. I don’t play by your rules.

Similarly, you do not have to play by my rules. You may do things that make me not want to respect you or that make me wish I could influence you in my direction. But at the end of it all, you are allowed to play by your own rules and I respect you for that. All I ask in return is that you respect me back.

–Miss Ari ^_^